i just can't do it.

So my grandma is in the hospital because a few weeks ago, she fell trying to pick up the newspaper outside my aunt’s house. She was in a lot of pain so they kept her in the hospital to keep her comfortable. Well the hospital she is staying at is located near my work and my mom keeps insisting that I visit her after work. I seriously have a phobia of hospitals and going there by myself.

I hate the idea of hospitals ever since I saw my grandpa in the hospital months on end laying there helpless and then finally dying. Whenever I go to hospitals, I think of my grandpa and then I think the worst and that the person will never get better.

When she first arrived to the hospital, it took me a week to finally visit her. She was sleeping and I seriously saw my grandpa in her. I couldn’t help but think, is this it? Is this where it ends? Just thinking of that made me so scared I’ll loose her and that this family will fall apart. My grandma is the glue that holds this family together. I’m not ready to say goodbye again.

I just can’t do it. I just can’t get the courage to walk in that hospital without anyone with me. And when I do go, I can barely stay in the room for so long. And while everyone is comfortable sitting on the bed with her, I can’t even be near her. I am the one that’s closer to the door looking in. For now, I will have to watch on the side lines.

a common face

Is my face really that common? I had a conversation with a friend about how everyone has at least one person who looks like them, related or not. But with me, it seems like everyone I meet knows someone who looks like me. The other day, I met my friend's boyfriend and he asked me about a recent event that he went to. And I told him that I just met him that day. He was convinced that we met in January because I looked like someone he's met before.

Is it because everyone thinks all Asians look alike and since I'm Asian, they don't see any major differences in my facial features and is just convinced I look like an Asian that they know too? I seriously don't know. But I would love to meet these 'twins' people say I have. I want to meet these people who look like me. Let's compare our facial features and see if we can fool people into thinking we are really twins. That could be fun.