Week 1

So I decided it's time to start over with p90x. I know it's the worst time to start working out with the holidays around the corner, but I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of seeing parts of my body and wishing I can improve them. The only way they'll improve is if I do something about it, and that's what I'm doing. The first 3 days were extremely hard! I was so sore, that just sneezing or laughing was a huge task. But after that hurdle, it got easier. Can't wait to see how week 2 will feel. Today was actually my rest day, but I'm home alone and bored. So I ended up doing a half an hour on the treadmill. After like 15 minutes, I was getting bored so I decided instead of running I'd set the treadmill on jog and bump up the music. I ended up dance jogging on the treadmill. How the hell do you dance jog?! Well, just pretend you see someone hot across the dance floor in a club. You need to get to them, but your favorite song is playing. You wanna dance, but you wanna get to this person, so you dance towards them but add like a hop for each step you take towards them. On the treadmill of course, not on the dance floor. Unless that's how you dance. Yea, I probably looked retarded, but it was a good work out! Plus, I was at home, not at the gym. And it was definitely more fun than just running and staring at the wall. Can't wait to see results. Last time I did p90x, I started seeing results after week 5.

On another note, I can't believe Brittany Murphy is dead! Every time I saw an interview with her, she was always smiling and being all cute. I always think of her role from Clueless and her line "rollin with the homies". It's just sad to hear someone dying so young. But she is in a better place now.

My Sister's Keeper, Tear Taker

I was warned before popping in the dvd that My Sister's Keeper was such a tear jerker, but I didn't care. I wanted to stay in tonight and watch the dvd. And within minutes of it starting I was already crying. What. The. Eff!? This movie was so sad that I don't think my eyes were ever dry throughout the film. It was good though, just sad. I don't think I can watch it again. It was so emotional that I picked the wrong night to watch it. I've been experiencing massive headaches, barely sleeping through the night, and moodiness all week. I think this week took a toll on me and I'm just stressing myself out. So after having a crazy week, I watch this very emotional movie, my head is about to explode! I can't wait to relax but I don't think that will happen til February. I'm in need of a vacation, I think that's why I've been so moody lately and been cutting myself off from everyone. The past 2 vacations I took didn't even feel like vacations. After camping, I came back very sick and had deadlines to finish at work. Before and after my New York vacation, I was working tons of hours. I sometimes wish I had a regular job where we didn't do any overtime at all and I don't have to 'take home' work. Yes, my work never comes home with me, but that doesn't mean I don't think about work at home. It's really difficult to turn off my mind when I get home from a stressful day at work. I'll keep thinking about it til I sleep and then do everything over again the next day.

5k Santa Run

On Saturday was the 5k Santa Run and let me just say, it was freeeezing! And what sucked about it? We got there at 7am thinking the run was at 8am, but it was really at 10am! We all decided to go to the bookstore to warm up. So 10am comes and we're all set to run. Wow was there a lot of Santas. When were running, Veronica decided to try and hold onto Aprille's shoulders cuz we were running too fast. She ended up tripping 2 minutes after we started. Can you believe that?! We just started and we already got an injury. Anyways, we ended up walking more than running because Aprille was afraid of loosing Veronica. We ended up finishing the race at 36:52 which next year we'll beat for sure! I think next year, I'm going to dress up as Santa Waldo. I think it'll be fun dressing up as Waldo with a bunch of Santas. It just calls for a live Where's Waldo game. I can't wait til next year!

Hibernation Mode

I've been in a hibernation mode lately. Ever since I decided to give up alcohol so I can work on getting back in shape, going out and partying doesn't appeal to me. Then there's my family. I want to take a break from my family. Not my immediate family. I'm talking about my aunts and cousins. They've been driving me crazy with their constant tardiness lately. I really wish I can take a break from them without my mom bitching at me because I'm really getting tired of waiting around for them. Did you know, I only eat once on Sundays? My family always have lunch together on Sundays and when I say lunch, I mean a 2pm meal. And I'm starving by then, so I overeat and won't eat anything for the rest of the day. I guess it's my fault for not eating a snack before lunch, but why does it have to be that way? I constantly ask why are these people late. And well, no one will say they will consider trying to be on time. I swear my blood pressure spikes up from my blood boiling with anger whenever I wait around for my family to arrive and starving.

My cousin is coming down to Vegas for her 25th birthday, and I told her flat out I can't go. Mainly because I have the Santa Run on Saturday, but I know my family. She said just come at 10pm and hang out, but 10pm to my family is actually 12 to 1am. And I don't have the patience to deal with them 3 weeks in a row. For Thanksgiving, we didn't get to eat til 2:30pm because we were waiting on my aunts. We were supposed to start lunch at noon, so who said 2:30 was the new noon? Cuz where I come from, noon is 12pm.

Run Santa Run

Only 2 more days til I run my first 5k. I can't believe we actually signed up for the 5k Santa Run. I've been running the past 2 weeks and boy am I slow. I guess my new nickname should be 'slow mo'. The fasted time I ran the mile was 12 minutes, or should I say the slowest? This is coming from the girl who ran her fasted mile in a little over 6 minutes. But then again, this was in the 8th grade. Before I developed curves and was under 100 pounds. I think my fasted mile in high school was maybe 7 minutes. The next 5k, I'll prepare earlier and get my time down for sure. I'm so excited just to finish.

Holy Short Hair Cut

I just got back from getting my hair cut and I was really nervous. I pretty much decided what I wanted within 5 minutes and based on what Julia suggested. This was the first time I went to James since Kristine moved away. So I was really nervous! James took forever cutting my hair and I kept looking down. I was getting freaked out because of all the hair I saw on the floor. And when I looked up, wow my hair was short. Well, it isn't short per se. But it's short in my book. I haven't had my hair this short in a long time. It's a couple of inches past my shoulders, so it's not that short. But I'm so used to having it half way down my back. Julia told me she was really nervous for me when she saw how short it was, but it's actually growing on me. I think the way he styled my hair looks awesome. If only I can reproduce it. I guess that's what I'll be doing this weekend. Doing my hair til I figure out how to style it.

Ho Ho Ho

It's official! Aprille, Veronica, Melody, and I just signed up for the 5k Santa Run. I'm so excited and at the same time nervous. I've never ran more than one mile before so this will be a little hard but will be a great experience. I've always wanted to do a marathon, so this will be a preview to one. I've been training this week and guess what. My allergies to grass had decided to come back. Bad timing! After every run, my allergies will kick in for the next 2 days. It sucks ass!!! How the hell can I train when I can even run?? This sucks. I might end up just running on the treadmill, but that's so boring. Anywho, next weekend, we pick up our santa suits. I really can't wait!

Mean Girls

Apparently the Aprilles and I get mean when we're drunk. And when I say mean, I don't mean like picking on people mean. We were at the club XS on Friday with 2 of their guy friends while Julia was sleeping in the room. And I guess Steve witnessed me and Aprille C. push people whenever they bump into us. In our defense, we're both tiny! We get stepped on a lot cuz no one sees us so we have to defend and stick up for ourselves! I just find it funny that he said we were mean for pushing people. Like little ol' us can do any damage. And it's always the little ones that think they can do the most damage huh? But other than pushing people, we're pretty much happy go lucky drunks. Before heading to XS, we were in the room talking about how we are drunk. None of us can use fake names or phone numbers cuz it's really hard to think of something fake when we can just say the truth. And then I said, yea and I always say yes when I'm drunk. My friends turned to the guys and told them to take notes. It's not my fault it's easier to just say yes than no.

Sleepy Hallow

I can't believe I slept through Halloween! My favorite holiday. I was so exhausted from Julia's birthday the night before that we all decided to just stay in Halloween evening. None of us slept at all Friday night so it was understandable neither one of us wanted to go out. My mind was racing but my body was craving the bed. I really wanted to be a pirate this year, but it's all good. There's always next year. At this stage of my life, I'd rather not kill myself just to party. What I've learned all these years. There's always next time. So all I have to say is, til next time matey!

Corn "Maze"

Last night I went to a corn maze out in Moapa Valley with Karen, her boyfriend Ryan, and his coworker Ty whom they were trying to set me up with. Karen doesn't know me very well. She does not know my type at all! Oh well. I agreed to go only to see this corn maze. When we got there, Ryan ran into some of his friends. Random huh? So we all went through the maze together in mini groups. Karen and I were holding flashlights and decided to flash the creepers before they get to us by yelling "headshot!" I felt so bad when I flashed a guy in the face. I didn't mean to but he ran right into the light. This corn maze wasn't even a maze at all! There was only one way to get out. It was pretty lame, but Karen and I were able entertain ourselves by "headshooting" people. The other fun party was watching one of Ryan's friends scream bloody murder with fright. After the corn maze, we decided to go to Pahrump and hang out in the desert and tell ghost stories with Ryan's friends. We saw a few shooting stars and the whole night we kept trying to scare Shaun. It's so cute to see guys scared of these things. Even though the guy and I didn't hit it off, I still had fun.

Don't Use Yourself As an Example

I went to Big Bear over the weekend for my mom's birthday. We were all hanging out in my uncle's cabin and we had 3 games of cards going on in the living room. It was funny cuz we were all using different types of cards. One regular set of cards, one mahjong set of cards, and the other were either humongous or round cards. Those were fun to play with. After a few rounds of cards, a few of us decided to play Taboo. Oh my goodness is that game fun, especially if you're competetive like my family. Boy were we loud and rombunctious. If you've never played the game, you have a word you are trying to get your team to guess, but there is a list of words you can't say to describe this word. Well, it was our team and I had to describe this word to my teammates. The word was "flab" and I decided to use myself as an example. BIG MISTAKE. The round went like this.

M: "I have these." And I kind of sat up higher thinking maybe they'll see I meant flab in my stomach.

C: "A belly!"
"Fat!"
"Celulite!"
"Rolls!"

M: "OMG you guys! Thanks for making me feel so great about myself"

It was so funny that I was laughing with tears in my eyes. But yes, never use yourself as an example. You never know what people will come up with. Besides that, Taboo is a great game! Especially if you're winning, like my team. By 10 points baby!

No Means No

My friend Karen tried to set me up with this guy. We talked a few times through facebook and through text/phone for a few days before meeting up. He lives by my house so he came over to hang out. He seemed like a cool guy so on Saturday I asked him to come over after partying with my family. Big mistake. This guy did a 180 on me. He was a total douche bag and didn't take no for an answer. He tried to get me to do stuff I didn't want to do and when I couldn't take it anymore, I kicked him out of my house. But before he left he kissed me, which made me feel really uncomfortable. So after I kicked him out, he calls me asking me if his keys were in my house. Great. I can't believe I have to let him back inside. His keys weren't in the house, and he still tried to kiss me. Are you fucking serious?! I'm trying to figure out what to do with you, and all you're concered right now is kissing me?? I asked if his keys are in his pockets and he said to search him. Guess what I found? A condom in his pocket! I can't believe after just 2 meetings, he really thought I was that type of girl to sleep with him. Idiot. Anyways, after he tried to kiss me again, I tell him to leave. Not more than 5 minutes later, he called me again, but I didn't pick up. He texted me saying he found his keys. They were under his car near the wheel. Yea, like I'm really that stupid to think you didn't put them there.

I call both Karen and Aprille whom are both friends with him and tell them what happened. They were both in shock and disgusted with the guy. They can't believe he would act that way. Karen expressed her disappointment towards him and so said we need to talk. We didn't get to talk til later that night and when I told him how uncomfortable he made me feel that night, he was shocked. Like he didn't realize what an asshole he was. Then he tried to make an excuse for his actions by saying he was just joking around. And I pointed out that he didn't act like he was joking around and he should have known better when a woman says no, she really means no, and she shouldn't have to repeat herself more than twice. He kept appologizing to me, but I really didn't feel he was sincere about it. He later told Karen that he feels he should just drop all his classes and move back to Utah so the three of us will feel comfortable he's gone. I really think he just wants to take the coward's way out now that a girl stood her ground and pointed out what he did wrong. This guy is just really immature and he just need to realize that not all girls are easy and should be treated with respect. He still wants to be friends but I told him we need to cool off for a bit and he still tried to push us being friends. He needs to also learn how to just accept things and stop pushing his opinions on others to make them change their minds. Big turn off!

Pizza Talk

We thought we were so sly using "pizza" to mean getting laid. Funny how a little inside joke turns into something we use all the time now. Last night people started picking up on it pretty quickly. Especially when we said Julia had pizza last night and is on number 2 now. We have no shame and will talk about anything and everything anywhere. After a night of dancing and drinking, we retired to Grand Luxe at the Venetian to eat. I brought my friend Shene with me to eat and we ended up talking about Julia's latest adventure in front of him. He said we were all cool for being really open in front of him. He said not a lot of girls talk about "pizza" especially in public. We're just different I guess.

Brrr! It's Cold in Here!

I'm really excited that fall is here. I absolutely love fall. I like to wear layers and jackets. The only thing is. I hate wearing shoes. I guess I have to put away my flip flops and start wearing shoes. Well, I need to buy shoes to wear. Even though I told myself I'll stop shopping for a bit, I really want to buy a trench coat. Man, I'll never stop shopping. Just recently I dropped my phone and played all the king's men and tried to put it back together again. I was almost successful. I'm just missing a button so now my phone is super ghetto. So I need to buy a new phone before this one breaks cuz let's face it. If my phone breaks, it's going to be the end of the world. I can't even leave the house without it let alone go through a whole day without a phone. One day I'll go through a month without using my credit card. One day.

What Would You Do?

Last night my sister threw a suite party at Caesar's Palace for her birthday. It was pretty fun. I invited 3 of my crazy friends Aprille square and Julia. We were in our own little world. We were pretty loud and hung out at the bar area just drinking our bottle of Hennessy I bought. We pretty much killed that bottle by ourselves and still didn't feel a good buzz going on. At the end of the night, Julia and I retired on the twin bed we put in the hallway away from everyone. We were trying to sleep when two of my sister's friends started fighting really loud. And this went on for a couple of hours about their relationship and in the middle of their argument, the girl screams and yells out "help!" and a door was slammed shut. Julia and I were listening to their conversation in bed trying to see if we should do something. But we decided to just sit back and see where it will go since we knew my sister and her friends were in the same area as the two people. But what would you have done when you hear a girl yell out "help!" and is trying to get away from her boyfriend?? I really wanted to step in but I wasn't sure if it was my place since I didn't know who they were. If this guy is capable of talking to his GIRLFRIEND like she's nothing and lay a hand on her, what will he do to me? And if it gets out of hand and he leaves, what will he do to her when they meet up later and no one is around? So our decision was to let them yell it out unless something actually does happen. But because of that incident, I couldn't sleep the rest of my stay. I ended up taking an hour nap when I got home this afternoon. Throughout the night I was texting ARod telling her some drama is happening and that I couldn't sleep. She would call and text to make sure we're ok until I was able to sleep when I got home. What a great friend and September is surely an exhausting month!

PS. Nessa if you're reading this, don't mention this to my sister. When we were cleaning up this morning, I asked what happened, she seemed like she didn't want to talk about it. Ok. Thanks! :)

NY Trip in a Nutshell

Delayed flight going to New York by 30 minutes. Broke a light bulb cover in the New Yorker Hotel. May flushing her phone in the toilet, 130 dollars to ship to NY the next day. I lost my metro card, another $27. Missed flight and having to cancel birthday party, $419 for a new ticket for May. Knowing the ex boyfriend was at the party. Worth it.

Okay, so that's just all the bad luck that happened to us. But the whole trip was worth all the bad luck. We were able to see almost everything New York has to offer. The first day we went around Time Square and Grand Central Station. Walked around Manhattan trying to take in everything and realizing we were actually in New York.

The second day we went to the Natural History Museum and saw Wicked! Oh my God! I LOVE Wicked! I think the actress who played the good witch Glinda made the show better. She was just so crazy and hilarious. We even visited St. Patrick's Cathedral. That church is so beautiful and gothic. The architecture in New York was really something. It was nice to see different types of buildings unlike here in Vegas, where everything is new. Later that night, we ended up bar hopping because we wanted to go dancing. I was sad it was the only time we partied but then again, we were in New York to be tourists. After walking all day, all you want to do at night is relax and not walk.

The third day, Shawn's sister Vahlen took us around Lower Manhattan. I hated this day because of all the walking we did. We barely rested but if we wanted to see everything, we couldn't rest. She took us around Soho, the village, the Meatpacking District, and the Brooklyn Bridge. We saw the Statue of Liberty from afar at night. I was sad we didn't get to see her up close and personal but that just means I have to come back.

The fourth day, we went to the MET, Central Park, and lots of Gossip Girl sites. My friend Rei is obsessed with Gossip Girl so we went to a lot of their sites. But Central Park is so beautiful. We rowed a boat in the lake. It was very nerve racking because that water was nasty and May kept moving. But it was fun! While Rei and I watched West Side Story later that night, May went to a tanning salon and laid out.

Our last night, we all woke up around 5am to pack our stuff and check out by 7am. We wanted to get a head start on our last day in New York. We left our luggage in the hotel storage and went to Lower Manhattan to do some shopping and went to MoMA. By the time we got to the hotel, we had to rush to the subway so we can get to the airport. What we didn't know was, some subway routes were closed for repairs so EVERYONE and their mama were at this particular subway. And to top it all off, it took 30 minutes for a subway to get to us and it stopped at every stop. By the time we get to the airport, they are boarding already. We couldn't board since we had baggage and they wouldn't let us check it in anymore. May had work the next day, so she went to JetBlue and bought another ticket to go home an hour later. Rei and I decided to check in our luggage at the airport storage and cruise around New York one last time. What we didn't realize was, we couldn't really do anything since lots of places close early. So we ate and wandered around all of New York through the subway. We ended up people watching at Time Square til 5am and ended up at the Tick Tock Diner and tried to stay awake. I later found out my sister and two good friends were partying without me at the place I was going to throw my party. It made me sad. That and watching people roll in the diner all dressed up after partying craving greasy food after a night of drinking. We ended up going back to the airport around 7am and we tried to take a nap on the benches in the airport. But I think I ended up sleeping for a half an hour. What an adventure right? It was. It made for a good story, but the best part of it was, I was in New York. Next adventure? Who knows. Aprille wants to go to Hawaii next year. We shall see.

Our postcard from the Brooklyn Bridge. Isn't it beautiful. "Wish you were here!"

Balloon Phobia

This past new year's eve, my coworkers and I had lunch at a restaurant where they were blowing balloons in preparation for the midnight celebration. Every now and then, a balloon would pop and I would jump up from my seat. So during lunch, I was so stressed out because I didn't want to hear another balloon pop. Just anticipating another pop made me loose my appetite. All I could think of was another balloon was about to pop. Ever since I was young, I hated the sound of balloons popping. I hated walking through Circus Circus cuz of the carnival games involving balloons. So for 9 months, they've been planning and waiting for my birthday so they could tape a bunch of balloons in my cube. So when I got back from vacation, I saw all their hard work and long awaited scheme scattered in my cube. It was a sweet gesture, but evil at the same time. I didn't know what to do with them, so I left them all taped in my cube. I couldn't concentrate one bit. I was still on vacation mode, but having balloons all around me made it more difficult to concentrate. While I was working, my coworkers decided it would be funny to pop one of the balloons. My coworker Vince and I share a cube wall, so he stood up and popped it. And I fucking screamed at the top of my lungs! I was so frightened and embarrassed that my eyes started tearing up. I felt like I just died. My coworker Michael got so mad at Vince that he kinda yelled at him for scaring me. I love how my team mates usually have my back and watch out for me. At the end of the day, I had Shawn pop all the balloons while I stay back a little covering my ears. It may be a weird phobia but my coworker showed me a video of Olivia Munn and her fear of balloons. I'm glad I have the same phobia as a hot chick. Cuz honestly, she is freaking hot and I was cringing the whole time I was watching the video.

Quarter Century Celebration

I celebrated my 25th birthday yesterday at home in bed, looking through my New York pictures. I was so exhausted that I didn't want to do anything at all! Went to church in the morning, had lunch with the family, and kicked it in my bed. And I loved every minute of it! New York update soon. Once I catch up on my Zzzz.

2 Person Kickback

Last week, my friend Jeff IMed me on Facebook. I haven't seen him since college but we'd talk every now and then through Facebook. So when he IMed me, I teased him he never invites me to see his new house yet. So he invited me to come over right then and there. I told him I couldn't since I've been working 12 plus hours that night and all I want to do is relax at home. I figured he lived too far anyways. So he said to come over on the weekend. The weekend comes and he texts me asking if I'm still coming over. I thought he was having a few friends over to have a kickback. Nope. It was just him and me hanging out. We ended up watching football for a few minutes with him explaining me some of the rules. I kind of got into it, but not so much where I wanted to watch a whole game. He noticed I was bored so he pointed to a couple of blue rays he borrowed. I ended up picking National Treasure 2 which by the way was kind of boring. It's no wonder I never finished that movie. I think I've tried watching it twice and fell asleep both times. Anyways, while we were watching the movie, he would touch my leg and slowly go towards my hand. It was so cute. But it kind of caught me off guard. He did kiss my hand a few times which REALLY caught me off guard. I started to feel tired since I spent the whole day shopping. Yes, shopping is tiring! So after the movie ended, I got up and said I should go home now. If he liked me, I think I pretty much blew it right there. I should have at least stayed a little bit to see where he wanted to go. But all I thought about was, wow it's late and I have to wake up at 9am for church. Sigh....oh well. I'll get em next time!

Early Bday Present

I turned 25 a few weeks early. Last Saturday, my friend Jill threw me a surprise birthday scavenger hunt around Town Square and a surprise dinner with some close friends. And everyone was in on it. About a month ago, she asked if we can have a jmarck. dinner before Rei and I leave for New York. I was wondering why she wanted to have dinner with us as if we were never coming back. So on Saturday, she asked me to come early so we can go shopping before dinner. I meet her and Abbie and she hands me a birthday card with a piece of paper included.

After reading the paper, the first thing that came out of my mouth was. "What?! We're not eating?? I'm hungry!" I was seriously sad we weren't eating, but then I realized what was going on and agreed to go on the scavenger hunt.

Rei: Clue #1 - I obviously luv movies, and I’m sure u do too. So take a pic of the current movie most appealing to u.

Friend #2 helps those who heal, yet shes always sick, even more than you?!

Aprille: Clue #2 – Ur next destination is where we party at the most. Go there and take a pic of one of the hosts. OR U can shop at a particular store that carries all ur SECRETS and a lil bit more ;)
Friend #3 is our friend from afar and she knows how to party it up like a ROCK STAR!

Angela: Law school sucks that’s the clue. JK! Clue #3 – Ur next picture reminds me of alcohol. Care for a wild turkey or vodka redBULL? I def need a drink! All these law BOOKS r driving me crazy! Wanna help me read one?
Friend #4 is a huge BITCH SLUT!! But we love her anyway =]

Ann: Clue #4-Hey Tiny Tanks! U must have the smallest bladder in the world! I bet u need to go right now, dont u? BATHROOM PIC! OR Use some of that $ and buy urself an outfit at one of ur fav Euro stores
Friend #5 is ur coolest and prettiest friend ever!!! =]

Jill: Clue #5 – Your last task is to take a pic of one of my favorite animals. I luv them so much, I have TWO! OR Use the rest of ur $ and buy urself ur first bday shot on me!

Wasting time til I get the next clue at the LV sign. This is my first time here..crazy huh?

Next clue:
Jill: In this city full of sin u will magically find a place close to paradise, full of tropical DRINKS and plenty of food and the entertainers will put u in a good mood. But first u must travel to a place filled w crooks and wenches…right in ur field. Tell rei ur answer and he will take u there if ur right =] off to TI!

Kathrina: Now that you’re in TI, take a photo by the place where the sirens sing in front of your face.
Before I met up with Jill, Rei and I were outside TI getting a drink. He bought me a drink cuz he said it'll be more fun if I was more loose and buzzed. I got nervous thinking what's going to happen next. What is Jill going to have me do?? And he reassured me it was nothing bad. We meet up with Jill at Starbucks and she walks me to Kahunaville.

SURPRISE! Everyone was waiting for me at Kahunaville.

What a surprise! Everyone was waiting for me to finish my scavenger hunt so they can get me drunk. And boy did they. But at least I was able to eat first. The food was good and the company was the best. I have the greatest friends. Especially these.

Truth Be Told

I grew tired a long time ago. Tired of asking you two to hang out all the time and then flaking on me. Glad Rei finally realized that you two aren't that great at all. Friendships are just like relationships. They are a two way street and if you are not going out of your way to stay friends with us, then why should we keep trying? Friends don't constantly flake on friends. We used to be called jmarck. because we all had a few things in common and we all liked to hang out with each other. We'd have jmarck. themed parties and all our friends would look forward to them. Now it's more like jmar. I was talking to Eddie the other night and we were talking about how Kathrina has been acting different lately. I hated hearing him say that Kathrina would say how she doesn't need to hang out with us cuz you can still make 'jmarck.' without the 'k'. It's not about making the word 'jmarck.', it was about hanging out! That just pissed me off. And you know what? We don't need you if you don't want to be around us. It was so awkward seeing Carla the other night at Rei's house. She barely even said hi to me. I used to cut her lots of slack but I'm just tired of trying and actually I think everyone is. It's ok, they say as you grow older, your circle of friends grows smaller because you learn who to trust and who were just not a true friend. So I'm not mourning our friendships' demise because truth be told, we really weren't friends, we were just really good aquaintances and now we're just moving on with our lives to the next person we meet.

Boys Over Flowers

Being sick for over 2 weeks can sure make a girl get lazy. While I was sick, I got addicted to the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers. I can't believe how addicting they are but I look forward to going home to watch at least one episode online. I also can't believe how cute Korean boys are! The girls are really pretty too. But I guess it's like Hollywood. The majority of the people on tv are pretty. Boys Over Flowers takes place mainly at a private school for the rich. It follows 4 really good looking boys that control the school because they are heirs to big companies. The leader is the heir to the school and after picking on this poor girl, he realized he's in love with her. So you watch this Romeo and Juliet type of relationship develop as they go through obstacles on trying to figure out each other and living in each other's world. There are so many moments where I go "omg, Jan Di is so lucky to have a guy do anything for her". I don't want it to end, but all good things do end. I just hope it's a happy one. For now, I get to watch these good looking people everyday after work and just gotta wait til episode 25 to see the outcome.

Still Sick

Can you believe I'm still sick? This cough is still here and everyone at work keeps saying "poor Monica." Well it's been so long and all I have to say about camping is, it was fun and miserable at the same time. I don't think I'll ever camp that long again. It was super hot but it was fun to hang out with my family for that long. I just wish we did other things besides hang out at the river and watch the kids play. It was fun the first day, but it would have been nice to go fruit picking. I remember going fruit picking when I was a kid and I want to do it again. On our way home, we decided to take a picture at the sign. Can you believe we all fit in one RV? Well image a few more people. We lost 2 people since they were from California so they didn't have to come back home with us.

Ongoing Sickness

I want to talk about the camping trip, but all I can think of is why am I this sick?! I keep getting a fever. My chest is hurting from coughing so much. My head hurts from coughing so much. I'm all flemy. Is flemy really a word? I doubt it, but that's what I am. Try being flemy at work. I had to figure out a clever way to spit while at work. The best I could do was cough in a couple of tissues and then spit quietly in it. But there were times where I would laugh while playing xbox and I would do a coughing session and flem would come out and I am nowhere near a tissue or a bathroom. So what did I do? I had to swallow the flem. GROSS! I think that's why towards the end of work, I felt like shit. I couldn't concentrate with my chest pains and constant coughing. So I asked to go home. When I got home, I ate dinner real quick and went straight to bed shivering. After the 2 hour nap and still feeling really cold despite wearing a sweater and covered under a blanket in the middle of summer with no fan in my room, I came to the conclusion I had a fever. I wish it dawned on me sooner so I could have taken medication before the nap, but all I wanted was to sleep when I got home from work. And I was glad that when I got home my mom made spaghetti because we were both craving it yesterday and we resorted to Joliebee's bland and lack of sauce spaghetti. I've never had Jolibee before and I don't think I'll ever go back. There are reasons why I don't eat at Filipino restaurants and yesterday just proved my point. They are always too bland. So I pray I get better soon. No one likes a sick person at work. Especially when we all sit in a group cube really close together. If I'm still sick on Monday, maybe I should just call in sick. I don't really do anyone any good coughing non-stop. I think I just get sicker and sicker when I have to solve a problem at work.

Extreme Heat + Extreme Cold = A Sick Camper

I'm sick. Last night of camping my aunt, mom, and niece Gizelle got sick. Gizelle had some stomach flu and my mom and aunt caught a cold. I tried my hardest to find a different place to sleep that night because I didn't want to catch anything, but everyone was full in their tents. The only place left was either the driver's seat or right next to my mom. Great. Sleeping right next to the sick person has only one result. And I'm living the result right now. High fever, aching body, and burning throat. I hate being sick. Especially right after a vacation. So I felt bad that I had to call in sick today at work, but I had no choice. I couldn't even get out of bed. Hopefully I'll be able to go tomorrow. I miss work.

Camp Amigo

One more day until I go on vacation. I shouldn't really say vacation since we're going camping for 5 days. It doesn't seem like it'll be too relaxing. According to my aunt, there will be about 60 of us. I doubt there will be 60 since I heard some people are backing out now. But I'm pretty sure there'll be around 40 of us. 40 Amigos in one camp site equals no relaxation. It'll be so hectic I'm sure of it. And the sucky part is. I'm still waiting for my period. With my luck, I'll get it on Wednesday, the first day of camping. At least we got an RV so I can sleep somewhat comfortably with Aunt Flo's visit. Can't wait to ruin my diet and stuff my face with lots of food! I just made lots of cookies and about 5 of them went in my mouth. Baking is never good for me. I will eat it too much. But one thing I learned with this batch. Butter burns fast! VERY FAST. And it will overflow the pan at any moment. My mom got so mad at me when the butter spilled all over the stove. But that's what baking is all about. It's a learning experience.

Gone Too Soon

I was watching Michael Jackson's memorial all day today at work. I just couldn't keep my eyes away. I wished they had commercials because I did miss a few performances. What I did get to see was his daughter Paris express how Michael was a great father and that she loves him. Just watching her cry as she spoke did it for me. I was tearing up at work and had to take a moment to come back to reality. It's crazy how much impact he had on people. I didn't realize that of all the people in the industry, he gave the most to charity. It's a shame that people never saw the good in him when he was alive when he needed everyone the most. He did have a memorial fit for a king and that's how it should be.

She Loves Me

I have the bestest friend ever. Last night was my friend Abbie's birthday. After drinking and dancing the night away. We felt we were getting old because we were tired at 2am so we decided to start up our end of the night tradition of clubbing. We ate steak and eggs at Terrible's Casino. We all drove our own cars and while I was talking to Ann on the phone at a stop light, I got freaked out and screamed when someone started knocking at my window. After focusing on who it was, I was relieved it was Jill. She put her car on park behind me while waiting for the light and ran to my car to give me water. She said "I thought you'd be thirsty even though we're minutes away from getting food." She knows I'm always thirsty and thought she'd bring me some water in the street. Even though her feet was hurting, she took the time to run to my car and give me water. Isn't that awesome?? She's the greatest and I love her.

He's A Legend

How many people can stop everyone around the world in their tracks when they die unexpectedly? Only Michael Jackson could do that. Well in my lifetime anyways. He even overshadowed Farrah Fawcett's death when she died a few hours before him. Every time I see articles of him online or watch his concerts my heart aches. I can't believe he's gone. He was such a talented artist. It just sucks that he had to die for people to acknowledge how much he has impacted the entertainment industry. I've been listening to his songs since his death and I love how his music is timeless. Even though some of his songs were made like over 20 years ago, you'd still be able to listen to it and not realize how old they are. My parents are watching the Jackson 5 reunion concert and it's hard to watch it. I noticed he said 'I Love You' after every song. The way he kept saying it, you could tell he was really innocent. I just hope that there won't be a huge custody battle for his kids because of money. I hope that they grant his wish in his will and let his mother raise his kids. They already went through enough.

New York Here I Come!

I'm super excited! I booked my flight tickets and hotel for my birthday trip to New York. I'm leaving September 1st and coming back September 5th. 5 days and 4 nights for less than 600 bucks in Manhattan. That's a freaking steal! I still wish I went to the Bahamas but I've always wanted to go to New York so I'm still excited. I'm watching Cash Cab right now and I secretly hope I get into a cab with this guy. It looks so fun! I'm going to NYC with Rei and May. I don't know May that well but I'm sure it'll be fun either way. When I went to Mexico with Aprille and Julia, we weren't close friends. But after the trip, we all became great friends and travel buddies. I have so many places I want to see and do, so hopefully I get to see and do them. So for 2 months, I'll just have to look at this picture and wait to take my own. And it'll go by really fast since I'll be really busy at work doing over time. I have a September 1st deadline. So once I submit my game, I'm gone. I told my boss that if anything goes wrong, I'll be on vacation.

Double Shocker

Wow! I can't believe it. Both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died today. It was sad to hear Farrah lost her battle with cancer this morning, but to hear Michael Jackson died later in the afternoon. That was quite a shocker! I'm actually really sad to hear such a great performer dying so young. Everyone at worked actually stopped cuz everyone was shocked. We were all visiting each other's cube to just talk about Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. I bet Farrah is up in heaven saying, "Damn it MJ, why do you gotta outdo my death?" Just kidding! They are in a better place and at least Farrah can now rest in peace. I read she was struggling with cancer for 2 years. At least she's not suffering anymore. I remember when I was younger I'd constantly ask my dad if he could play his Michael Jackson record. Yes, my dad played vinyl records in the 90s. I wanted him to play "Billie Jean" so I can pretend I'm doing the moon walk. I wonder if my dad still has that vinyl. Rest in peace to both of them.

A Fat Girl Inside

I swear I feel like I'm a fat girl inside. Food is my weakness and it will always be. I'm always thinking about food and lately I've been in a baking mood which is not good for my workout schedule. I've also been snacking a lot lately, which is a good thing. I'm eating little meals every couple of hours. My coworker gets a kick out of it. I'm always telling him around 9am that I'm hungry. But they are also shocked as to how much I can eat. When I eat, I can go to town if I wanted to. Hopefully it doesn't catch up to me when I get older. One good thing is that I can push myself to workout so I guess it's a good balance. I eat crap and then work it off later. One day I'll get that flat stomach when I have self discipline to what I put in my mouth.

You Didn't Go to Mine, So Why Do I Have to Go to Yours?

I've created a monster 3 years ago. 3 years ago, my friend from junior high broke up with her boyfriend of like 5 years. I felt bad for Bobby because he was so depressed. So 3 years ago, I was all about clubbing all the time. Every weekend, I was dancing and drinking the night away. I brought Bobby with me a few times since he never went clubbing before. He fell in love with both clubbing and me, and only one of us returned their love. Can you guess it wasn't me? And from then on, he's been clubbing EVERYDAY. I have no idea how he does it. I'm told he still has his pharmacy tech job. How does he have the energy and money to still be clubbing this much? And since then, he's been all about partying. His birthday is no exception. Every year, he's been celebrating his birthday for a whole week. Who does that?! Who has the time to do that? Anyways, he keeps advertising it on facebook, myspace, and through texts. It's so annoying. He wants us to come and celebrate his birthday all week, but Jill and I realized on Friday that he never comes to our birthdays. How fair is that?? So on Friday, we were all trying to decide what to do after dinner, and none of us wanted to go clubbing with him. He just doesn't make it appealing anymore. With all the constant updates and reminders, it just sounds more like a chore then a celebration. Oh well. Happy birthday anyways Bobby.

Public Nail Cutter

My biggest pet peeve has to be cutting nails in public. Especially in closed quarters such as the office! The only time nails should be cut is at a salon when you're getting your nails done. I walked into the office this morning and right when I sat in my cube, I hear someone cutting their nails. I have a feeling who it was since it was coming from in front of me on the other side of my cube wall. I doubt that his nails would come flying to my side of the wall, but just hearing those nails being clipped just gives me the hebegeebees. It's just the thought that a nail that's not mine can go into my own personal space. It's just a personal hygiene that should be kept personal in your own home.

I'm Just Not That Into Him

I can go a long time without talking to him. Even thinking about him. I guess I'm just not that into him anymore. And in the beginning when I realized this, I felt bad. Mainly because I thought he was really into me. But I think we've come to a mutual understanding without having the awkward "I like you but not like like you" talk. He doesn't call me anymore. He texts me on the weekends when he's already out. I'm relieved. I think ever since he got sent to jail for DUI, my attraction for him diminished. I wasn't trying to be judgmental because a lot of my friends and I have driven when we shouldn't have. I'm not proud of myself that I can admit to driving while under the influence. I thank God that nothing happened. Ever since PJ passed away last year, I'm more aware as how capable I am of driving after a night of drinking. There were a couple of times where I wasn't able to hold my liqueur but I have great friends to drive me home. It was the fact that this was his second time running in with the law and both times he firmly believed he wasn't in the wrong. When he point blank said the cops should have just let him with a warning turned me off. It showed that he doesn't take responsibilities for his actions and can't admit when he's wrong. So I shall be moving on with the next guy. Who's next in line? Just kidding! I think I'll enjoy singlehood. I like just hanging out with whoever I want and not having to be half there with the company. Everytime I'm dating someone, I'm always busy texting them while I'm hanging out with friends. So for now, my friends can have my full attention.

What's His Deal?

My dad has always had a temper. Ever since I could remember he rarely came with my mom, sister, and me to family events when it comes to my mom's side. He always used work as an excuse since he does work at night when we usually stuff. But when it's his day off he will say he doesn't have a life and would rather just stay home. It seems like he's just getting worse as the years go by. I have no idea what's his deal. It's like he's depressed or something. It worries me sometimes because he'll just push my mom farther and I'll just get more irritated with him. Hopefully he'll wake up and realize that by isolating himself from these events, he'll just isolate himself from us. But I doubt he'll change. As people grow older, the harder it is for them to change.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 is Great

Only when there's a scandal. I used to watch the show every week but towards the end, Kate just got on my nerves. Then the scandal happened between Jon and Kate and I got sucked in again. I was watching the season premiere on Monday and all I could think of was, 'wow, they barely interacted with one another.' I always wonder if people would stoop so low and just make it a publicity stunt, but it's so obvious that they don't want anything to do with each other. I felt really sad that they are going through this because this will greatly affect the kids. There was a scene where Jon and one of the little girls were having a moment. I think it was Leah. She was talking to Jon about her friend who is a boy and Jon was making sure she doesn't kiss him. It was a cute moment, and then she asked Jon to never go away again. My heart just broke when I heard that. Even at 5 years old, they sensed that their parents were having problems. I just hope they work things out for the sake of the kids. They just renewed their vows for goodness sakes! We shall see as the season progresses.

Bridal Shower Ideas

What do you buy a bride who is extremely conservative and religious? My friend from college is getting married and I got an invitation from her sister to attend her bridal shower. I want to go but at the same time, I'll feel so out of place. First of all, we have different beliefs. So while I'm over there, I'll have to pray with them. I won't really know anyone. The friend(s) that will be there, I don't talk to anymore. So not sure what I'll do. Maybe I'll just go to the wedding. It's not like we're close anymore. I haven't really seen her in years. I think the last time I saw her, she was leaving Vegas for Berkley.

I'm Dating a Jailbird

All day yesterday I was texting him and was wondering why he didn't text back. He usually texts back within a couple of hours unless he was somewhere he didn't have reception. He left me a voice mail last night while I was getting ready to go to Yard House. He said that he had a story to tell me. I wonder what that story was so I called him while I was getting dressed.

M: Hey. What's up? What's the story?
H: I just got out of jail.
M: What?! Uh. What happened?

Apparently he was partying all night Saturday night and sun rising Sunday he was going home on the 215 driving 5 mph over the speed limit when he got pulled over. The cop asked if he's been drinking and he said yea but the last drink I had was at midnight. So he was asked to step out of the car and was taken to jail. The legal limit is .080 and he blew a .082. He was complaining to me that the cop was overreacting and he should have just let him go since he was near his house. And I had to rationalize it to him that the cop was just doing his job and if he did let him go and something happened it would be the cop's fault. Yea the cop was a bit anal for pulling you over for just going over 5 mph but maybe he saw something else. Maybe you were swerving and you didn't know? I don't understand how people will make mistakes and when a cop turns them in, it's the cop's fault. They're just doing their job! So now he has a DUI on his record. And honestly, it's turning me off a little. Aprille and I were talking last night and we confessed to driving while being really buzzed that once we get home, we wonder how did we get home. But we don't do that anymore. I know my limit, and I will not drive if I can't. And when I drink, I will drive overly responsible. Last night, I had 2 drinks and 2 shots. Driving home, I saw about 5 cops. I drove the speed limit. I signaled for every turn. I didn't switch lanes too much. I got home safe without getting pulled over. And just be smart about it. It's a 3 day weekend, you should know that there will be LOTS of cops out there during the holidays. So maybe CJ was right last night. He was pretty drunk and "Just a Friend" was playing. So he kept singing it to me asking if he is just a friend. Maybe it will be better if he and I just stay friends. But who knows what will happen.

His Status

Not sure what prompted me to go on his facebook, but when I saw that he was signed on in facebook, I felt like I needed to clicked on his profile. I'm pretty sure I'm over him. Actually, I loathe him. I can't believe I ever dated him. But I noticed that he just changed his status to single and he still has our pictures posted in his album. Not sure what I'm feeling at the moment. Yea I hate him, but also I feel sorry for him. What I learned about him, he will never grow up. He will always depend on his parents and probably work in the casino all his life. Deep down I wish that he's hung up on me and regrets he broke up with me. I highly doubt it but that's what everyone things when they get dumped right? Eh whatever. I'm talking to another guy right now. It's a weird feeling dating someone right away. I usually stay single for a long time before actually meeting someone I like. Who knows where this will go. He seems he's really into me. It feels good not to chase a guy for once. Even though I like to chase guys, I've learned from these past few guys I've dated that I SHOULDN'T chase guys. This guy will text or call me without me asking him to. He's the one who invites me to go out all the time. He's also a great singer! The only thing about him is he talks a lot. It's cool that we can hold a conversation, but when I'm tired, I get more tired listening to him talk. Another iffy thing about him is his choice of degree. He wants to study philosophy, which is cool to follow your passion, but seriously. What can you do with that degree? But what I learned about him is that since he served his time in the military, once he gets his degree, he can learn to be a pilot which is what he really wants to do with his life. Maybe I'm just picking at his faults cuz I've been hurt so many times I don't want to fall for another guy and risk getting hurt again. We'll see where this goes.

Chap Stick Withdrawls

I miss my chap stick. I miss that feeling of having moisturized vanilla mint lips. I have an addiction and having a cold sore is a chap stick addict's nightmare. I'm using an antiviral cream on the cold sore and it said to not use anything on your lips. I'm only on my first day and I'm dying. I actually cheated. I put some chapstick on the other side of my lips that isn't infected with this cold sore. I should just throw that chap stick away though. It has cold sore germs on it.

My addict is so bad that one time my sister and I went to go shopping. She was driving and I realized I forgot my chap stick 5 minutes after we left the house. I asked if we could go back. She refused. I instantly felt my lips drying up and I tried to convince her to go back. She refused again and said we're wasting time if we went back. So I told her to stop by the Walgreens so I can buy another tube of chap stick. I'm being serious! I went to the pharmacy and bought another tube! They need to have Chap Stick Anonymous because this is a crazy addiction. Pretty soon I'm going to have the shaky hands going on just waiting for my next fix. It's hard to keep my tounge in my mouth too. I've been licking my lips once in awhile and that just feeds the flame to my addiction. My lips get drier and my temptation for my chap stick grows more. I seriously need help. Hurry up and heal lips so you can get rewarded with lucious vanilla mint. Mmmmm.

Dirty People Club

I went to the doctor today to diagnose this monstrous thing growing near my bottom lip and my doctor told me it looks like a cold sore. Great! I should have went with my first instinct on Friday. This would have been gone a long time ago if I didn't listen to that damn pharmacist and bought Abreva on Friday. I told my doctor I asked the pharmacist on Friday so I can buy some medication and she said, 'oh what do they know.' Since I complained they told me it wasn't a cold sore so I left it alone until I saw her. So now I'm suffering for a few more days because it grew more since then and to top it off, there are 2 more growing! I'm going to be in hiding for a long time.
The second I walked into work after the doctor's visit, my coworker Tom asked what's the verdict. My response? I'm a member of the Dirty People Club now. He likes to joke around that only 'dirty' people get cold sores or the medical term, herpes and NOT genital herpes mind you (they are different!) So he said, I knew deep down you are a dirty girl! So the whole day we were joking around how dirty we are. Besides, I think the reason why I got hit on on Saturday at Union Plaza was because of this cold sore. Who in their right mind would tell a girl she's hot when she has a honking cold sore on her face?? Only a guy who thinks she's easy would. Well, that's how I see it. But he probably looked passed my badge of dirty honor and saw my true beauty. Who knows. I turned him down because he creeped me out by following me to the bathroom and waiting for me to come out. Weirdo.
Anyways, it gonna sucks that I have this ugly cold sore this weekend. It's a 3 day weekend and people will wanna see me. So my plan this weekend? Bake a cheesecake on Friday. If the cold sore shrinks a bit, then dinner date with the boy on Saturday and maybe go clubbing with Aprille Sunday. If the cold sore is gone, then I'm gonna have a dirrrty weekend. ;)

Vicks Cures All

A couple of days ago, I woke up with this aching red bump near my bottom lip. I felt like my lip was a bit swollen too. As the days went by, the bump grew and hurt more. I thought it was a cold sore since it was near my lip. But it also looked like a pimple or a bug bite. So I didn't know what it was. I told my mom about it and asked if she knew what it was. She said she gets them sometimes and to just put vicks vapor rub on it. What?! Are you sure?! My mom thinks vicks cures everything. Every time I tell her I have something, she says to just put on some vicks and it'll go away soon. She reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding where they believe windex cures everything too. I was so worried about having a cold sore and wanting it to go away as soon as possible that I went to walgreens today to ask the pharmacist if I have a cold sore or not. Even though it's not a cold sore, I'm still going into hiding. This pimple or bug bite is hideous. I have a date tomorrow but I'm canceling it since the fam bam is coming down from California and staying at my house. I wanted to stay home this weekend anyways. So I'm just using this opportunity to take some r&r. The boy understands so it's all good. Besides, I don't want him to see me with this nasty bump on my lip.

Our First Fight

Well, technically it wasn't really a fight. It was more of Jill's annoyance with me. She asked me if I wanted to go to the San Gennaro Feast with her and our friends. I told her no since I'll be going with Keoni on Friday. And she was like, wow when did this happened? And I told her that I've been hanging out with him since Sunday and she got mad that I never told her. She said I always do that. I always tell her important things late and she felt that she's not that important for me to tell her as soon as things happen. I felt so bad because I realized that I do tell her important things after I see the effects. I appoligized but reassured her that she is the first person I tell things. I just tell her later because I'm in my own little world that I like to soak in what just happened before telling people. I told her I'm going to work on that because she is important to me and she always tells me everything as soon as possible when things happen to her. Friendships and relationships are a two way street and I should start stepping up and do my part.

On another note. I don't understand why some people don't let me catch a break. Why is it that people are allowed to say no to me, but when I say no, they give me grief for it and try to make me feel guilty? I understand when people say they can't come out at night because of work, but when I say I have work, I'm told that they won't go out with me the next time I invite them out. There have been many times where people will either tell me know they can't go or they'll say they'll go and just not show up. What do I do? I forgive them and just say we'll catch up next time. You try sitting in front of a computer for 9 hours a day and you'll know why I need my sleep. It sucks being a grown up but everyone's gotta do it. I just had to do it sooner than everyone else.

Good News Bad News

My life this week has been a series of bad luck. I swear I'm truly lucky at being unlucky. Earlier this year, I started to feel like crap. I thought I had a cold so I took cold medicine the first day. Then I realized it must be allergies because it came all of a sudden. Friday morning, I started feeling much better. So I got excited because I could have fun at Perry's wedding without having to deal with a runny nose. So that's the good news. But good news doesn't come without some bad news.
Bad news is. While I was getting ready, I threw my back out. Yea. How sad right? I'm fucking 24 years old, and my back went out on me. And it was stupid on how I threw it out. I was reaching with one arm for my Louis Vuitton purse in its LV bag in my closet. I forgot there was a catalog in there. When I was bringing it down, the catalog decided to switch sides inside the bag and it started to fall. So I reached with my farthest arm to catch it and I overreached and pulled something. Imagine a 24 year old yelling, "Owwww. My back! Damn I'm old, did that just come out of my mouth?" I seriously felt really old when I couldn't bend over and pick up my shoes. And everyone gave me old woman jokes asking if I want a wheelchair and started laughing. Har har har. Thanks guys. I'm in so much pain and I'm glad you're able to get a kick out of my pain. And the only person who can fix my back got married yesterday. So for now, I have to live with the pain. Guess it's time to go to the doctor again for a stupid injury. Remember my tennis injury? Yea I seem to get injured in rediculously crazy ways.

Trendy Virus

So I'm not feeling very well at the moment. And it's totally bad timing. I hate how I somehow got sick right when the swine flu is going around. When I tell people I'm not feeling well, they automatically think it's the swine flu. It's irritating the hell out of me. Just because I'm sick doesn't automatically mean it's the swine flu. Have some sense people. I don't have the symptoms. I just have a sore throat and runny nose. I don't have a high fever or aching body. It might not even be a cold. I think I have allergies since I got a sore throat all of a sudden last night. Just make sure you know your information before you go and start accusing sick people they have swine flu. It's not funny ostracizing someone for having a cold.

Conspicuously Flirting

Jill sent me a text today saying her friend Keoni is now single! I told her awhile back that I thought he was cute based on his picture on his facebook. But she told me he was on and off with his girlfriend. And I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship since I just got out of one. I just thought he was cute. I finally met him on Saturday for my friend's birthday and we instantly started a conversation about tennis since he and Jill play tennis once in awhile. I told Jill that we were talking at Risque for a little bit, but I was more focused on hanging out with Steve. And she said that she wished she went to Risque to watch me flirt with Keoni because she finds it amusing how I'm so obvious when I flirt. She told me that she and Ann had fun watching me obviously flirt with Steve the weekend before. I should work on being inconspicuous with my flirting ways. But what sometimes gets me is when I'm not flirting, I come off as being a flirt. It's just the way I talk to people. I get into the conversation sometimes that I tend to touch the person whom I'm talking to. But there was no flirting with Keoni that night. Just making conversation with him and I found him a really nice and funny guy. So who knows what will happen.

Homebound

So I've decided to just take a break on buying a house. I figured I'm not financially ready to buy a house because I'm not ready to give up traveling yet. Even though I haven't really traveled a lot, I like having that option that I can afford to go anywhere. Plus, my mom just asked to borrow some money so I definitely can't buy a house. I can't complain anyways. I get to do anything I want here and I get to come home to a home cooked meal. All I have to do is do the dishes and it's all good.

Lucky at Being Unlucky

After a long night of partying and meeting a really cute guy, I was on an exhaustion high when I was rudely woken up by my mother. She wanted to go shopping for an outfit for my cousin's wedding so I got ready so we can go to the mall when it first opens. So my mom and I drive down Sahara and the next thing we hear is some loud rumblings. I thought it was the guy's car right next to me. But it turned out to be me! I got a flat tire...AGAIN! I just had a flat tire in September. What are the odds?!
So my dad came and changed my tire and we switched cars so I could still go to the mall. I was so depressed that I have to buy a new tire that I went overboard at the mall. I came home with 3 pairs of shoes, 3 dresses, a pair of jeans, and 2 tops. Wow. I went all out today with the shopping. Retail therapy is great until you see the effects a month later. But I rarely splurge so I'm not having any buyer's remorse. Good news though. I don't need to buy a new tire yet. My dad was able to use the old tire from the last time I had a flat.

Bump on the Head

So I'm not sure if I should be alarmed or not, but I've had this massive headache since Monday and I even found a bump on my head. Although, I'm not sure if I've had this bump already or not. And if I didn't have this bump, I don't know how I got it. I don't remember hitting my head. So that's why I'm not sure if I should be frightened or not. I was asking Aprille if I should see a doctor about it since she's a nurse and she asked her boyfriend Rod since he's a doctor. They were supposed to call me last night, but by the time she texted me, I was already sleeping.

I've been sleeping butt early lately. I fell asleep around 9:45pm last night. I wanted to sleep at 9pm, but I forced myself to stay up for 45 minutes and that was a huge struggle. Towards the end, I was pretty much asleep but I woke up at 9:45 just to turn off the tv. I wonder if this headache is from my lack of food intake. Since I've been stressed and depressed lately, I haven't been eating lately. The week I was stressed out about Jason and realized he was going to break up with me, I barely ate. A lot of people will eat when they're stressed, not me. I get nauseous and have no appetite. It was so bad that last weekend, I was down to 95 pounds. Gross huh? Well I've gained a little bit of weight back, but I'm still under 100 pounds. I ate so much on Saturday that I think I gained 5 pounds that day. Not too sure if I like being under 100 pounds. I like how my stomach and arms are skinnier but I don't appreciate my boobs shrinking with the rest of them. So now that I'm back to eating like a normal person, I'm trying to work out to balance it out. But it's hard to work out when you have this headache pounding your head with every little movement you make. I can't wait til I'm back to my normal self. I hate being like this and I'm trying to get over it, but I guess everyone is right. I just need to take it slow.

I'm Not the Same...Yet

I really don't understand how Jason could have this much affect on me. I've been so down lately since the breakup that everyone are noticing that I'm not the bubbly upbeat person anymore. Not everyone at work knows what happened so they'll come up to me and ask me to smile or if I'm ok. Which makes it worst for me cuz I have to put on a smile and say 'yea everything is fine.' I'm trying to be the same person I was before I met Jason and while I was with him, but I can't. I just woke up this morning angry because I had a dream about him where it was like the night we had dinner and he was a total douche bag towards me. I thought I've moved on but I guess I got hurt more than I realized. I have the best friends who will keep me company and ask me how I'm doing and try to cheer me up. I'm greatful for them. Well, it has only been a week since we've broken up so I guess I'm asking too much of myself to get over him already. People keep telling me it takes about half the time we were together to get over someone. So am I supposed to feel crappy for a month and a half? I hate this transition.

It's a No Go

So I decided to cancel my offer for the house. Jill told me the day I was going to sign the papers she couldn't be my roommate anymore. She talked to her mom and her mom begged her to stay at home. Her mom is going through empty nest syndrome and I don't blame her. But sometimes it's best to just let go. I know my parents were getting sad when I said I wanted to move out, but they were really supportive. I still could have moved out, but I didn't feel like living for my house. Living by myself meant I wouldn't be keeping my lifestyle. No more taking vacations whenever I want to. No more splurging on myself whenever I feel like it. I felt so bad too for having to cancel the offer because Amy had came in the office early to fill out my paperwork. She was so nice and patient with me that I felt so bad telling her 2 hours before meeting her I couldn't take the house. This house was perfect for me. It wasn't my first choice but my first choice was made for me with my future family. My first house with my family, I'll definitely have a casita. But this house, it was perfect for a single young woman. It was 1600 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 den. It had upgraded flooring to tiles and had surround sound speakers built in. Oh well. It's a sign that I just still need to save up. I still need some traveling to do and meet the one. Maybe he'll buy me my first house. Just being hopeful.

Moving on Up

The past few days I've been looking at houses again. At first I was hesitant to look since the main reason I even considered buying a house was so I can move out and have Jason and I be together alone. But since we broke up on Friday, I thought maybe I could just live at home for awhile. But when I started looking, I realized that maybe it is time I move out. I'm almost 25 and I should learn to grow up now. Learn how to balance my expenses, cook, clean, and such. Hell, if it doesn't work out, I can always move back home and just rent out the place. But looking at houses did take my mind off of the loss of my relationship. When I get home though, I think about him and I'd still go on his facebook to see if he changed his status. As of right now, he still hasn't. Which I'm sure he won't for awhile since he's busy with his two jobs and trying to fit in working out. I don't know why I care so much. I'm sure he doesn't think about me. I bet he's relieved he got rid of me so he has more time to be with his friends and do nothing. I need someone who is emotional mature and is going to be with me for the long haul. For now, it is singlehood again. It sucks but I have no choice. Maybe I should take up on Jill's mom's offer of this cute accountant. But I hate getting set up, but you never know.

The Break Up

Thursday night, Angela and Jill both three wayed me and I knew instantly something was up. Apparently my suspicions were correct. Jason told Matt that he was going to break up with me this weekend and Kelly overheard him and told Angela who then told Jill and me. I was told that Jason doesn't want to be serious with me. Which got me confused because he was the one who chased me for 2 weeks and asked me to be his girlfriend right away. I was the one who asked him to slow down because I felt like we were moving too fast. And I was also told that the only reason why he asked me to be his girlfriend right away was so I wouldn't sleep with anyone else. How selfish and immature is that? He wasted my time and played with my emotions. He told me he was a relationship guy and doesn't like to date around. He should just stick to dating casually then. I was so angry and heartbroken when I heard this that after I got off the phone with them, I texted Kelly for more answers. And she told me that he is really selfish and immature and she hates him. She is glad that I won't be dating him anymore.

So Friday comes along, and the plan was to go clubbing at Jet and break it off with Jason right after. Jill and I rode together since I asked if I could spend the night at her house. I thought that I would be too devastated to drive all the way home by myself. So her whole goal was to get me good and drunk that night. But I decided that it would be best for me not to so I won't get too emotional. I had a good time hanging out with everyone. The only reason why I agreed to come out was because Tiff was in town from Hawaii. We decided to go to Ellis Island after clubbing to hang out for a bit and while I was there, Jason keeps texting and calling me. Asking how was the club and that he was going home already. As he texted me, I was asking Kelly what's going on at home. She was telling me when he got home and what he was doing. I decided to not answer him and let him wait. He left me hanging all week by not talking to me, so why talk to him right?

Around 2:30 am, we decided to just get it done with. Jill and Tiff dropped me off and waited outside. I told them I'll only take ten minutes. So I grab my bag with me so he thinks I don't know we're breaking up. I called him to let me in and he said he kept calling me. And I said, yea I know. I was busy talking to my friends. I get in the house and quickly say hi to Matt and Kelly and tell him let's go upstairs.

As we sat in his room, I say we need to talk and he said that I read his mind. Then a few seconds of silence. Then he asked where do I see this relationship going? And I said, well I thought it was going to be for awhile, but I realized that we wouldn't work. He said that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but realized that he wasn't. I told him that I didn't really appreciate him wasting my time and how he treated me this whole week. He was acting really immature and was really rude towards me. He appologized for acting that way and for hurting me. And I accused him of still being in love with his ex girlfriend because he would always talk about her and he confirmed he still has feelings for her but they aren't the type where he would go back to his ex. I told him I realized we wouldn't be able to work because he doesn't know what he really wants in life. I need someone who knows what he wants to do with his life. Someone who I believe will be my future. And he agreed that this is his fault and that I didn't do anything wrong and I agreed I didn't do anything wrong. I told him he needs to get his shit together if he ever wants to be in another relationship. Then he said that asking him to pick me up was so unreasonable because I was so far away. And I told him that when we were dating, he was willing to pick me up. And he said he only did that to show that he really liked me. And then he said that just because we got together doesn't mean he liked me less and then he brought up the money issue. I told him I was willing to come over to his house and I too have bills to pay. I just felt like he was making too many excuses and while we were talking Jill beeped her horn and I immediately texted her almost done. I wrapped it up by grabbing my stuff and giving his stuff too. We hugged goodbye and he said that hopefully when I'm not too angry with him we can still be friends. I told him maybe. Right now, I still miss him at times and I'm still a little angry at him. I am kinda annoyed that he wanted me to come over so he can break up with me. That's fucked up for him to make me drive all the way to his house just to break up with me. But he did treat me well until this past week. Kelly tainted his memory with all the shit he does at home, but in my heart and in my mind, he was a good boyfriend. I just met him at the wrong time. But I'm not sure if I'll be friends with him later. I tend not to keep in touch with ex boyfriends.

3 Month Curse

Wow. What a difference a week can make. Looks like I am single once again. It seems like I can't seem to get past 3 months in a relationship. I blame it on Shawn since he is 2 for 2. The last two boyfriends seem to end within a week or two right after he meets them on his birthday. I will not bring a boyfriend to his birthday next year.

It seems like my relationship with Jason changed so drastically that everyone thought I was pulling an April fools on them when I confided in them my relationship was on the rocks. Mainly because just two weeks ago, we were really affectionate towards each other at Shawn's birthday.

Last Friday, we went out to dinner with a few friends of mine and then we watched a movie at his place after. I made a mistake of telling him that I was falling for him. I didn't mean that I am necessarily in love with him. I just felt like I'm developing stronger feelings for him than I had when we initially started dating. This triggered his unusual behavior towards me.

He was supposed to come over on Sunday since I didn't come over Saturday. When I texted him after work, he said he was at his friend's house moving stuff around and won't be done til later. He will come over after if it's not too late. He texted me at the end of the day saying he's done but since it's late, we'll catch a movie on Monday after work.

So Monday comes, and I text him good morning. He mentioned it's his friend's birthday dinner and asked if I want to come. I said sure and asked for the details which he said he'd give me later. We stopped talking since I was at work. I texted him after work asking for details but no reply. So I called him around 7 and then texted him because I know dinner is at 8 but I don't know where. He texted me a half an hour later the directions and said to be there by 8. I asked him if he could pick me up and he said he couldn't, and he said, "you don't have to go, I'm just letting you know about it." That text caught me off guard. It was so rude. I was waiting in the parking lot for 45 minutes because he was late and he was acting like a jerk to me throughout dinner. I said my goodbyes to everyone and to him and told him to call me tomorrow. He jokingly said no, but he didn't call me. Our only conversation on Tuesday was me initiating the good night text.

We didn't communicate for two days. Then Thursday comes and I texted him good morning. I needed to know if I'm sleeping at his house on Friday. So I asked if he still wants me to sleep over and he said sure. So I'm excited that everything is ok with him. He was just busy. Well I was wrong. Since this is a really long story, I'll "break up" the entries. No pun intended. ;)

Douche Alert

The plan was to all meet at Jae's party then go straight to Jason's house right after. We were going to have a good time at Jae's. Ann got there about 5 minutes before me. The moment I got to the party I search the room for Jae. I gave him a hug and at the corner of my eye a hand comes near me to get a high five. I reached up to give this mysterious hand a high five when I realized who's hand it was.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"Of all the things, you ask what the fuck you doing here?"

I race towards Ann and ask if she had any idea that Sinn was coming. She didn't. I automatically tell Jill that Sinn is at the party and we won't be seeing her anymore. Now that Jill and Sinn aren't together anymore, I can clearly see what a douche bag he truely is. Ann, Veronica, and I felt so awkward at the party with him there that we left a half an hour later. The three of us decided to grab something to eat at Chinatown with our boyfriends. It's funny that all six of us drove our own cars. And it made me smile to see Jason getting alone with them. He and Jay especially were able to hold a conversation, even if it was about cars.

On the Hunt

Last Friday, I took a personal day from work so I could just relax right after my doctor's appointment. Depending on the outcome of the results, I thought I wouldn't be up to going to work if the results were negative. Turns out, I didn't have a cyst in my ovaries after all! My mom knew I've been contemplating about buying a house so after my spa appointment, we went house hunting. And boy was it tiring! I did find a couple of potentials, but nothing grand where I was willing to make an offer right then and there. Some houses were great, but had some drawbacks. I want to find a house that's perfect. And I am willing to take as long as possible to find the perfect house because this is a huge investment. It always takes me forever to buy anything. It took me about 6 months to buy my first digital camera but when that broke, it only took me about 2 weeks to buy my second one because I wanted it before Halloween.

After the second day of house hunting, my aunt/realtor asked me if I liked any of the houses and would like to make an offer. I told her I'd think about it. It was moving way too fast for me. I was only on the second day of looking and my cousin/loan officer was having me bring documents and signing papers. I felt so overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I just shut down and loose interest. I do want to buy a house for investment purposes but it's also such a huge decision. I need to take into account how my family will be once I stop supporting them financially. Granted, I don't support them on a monthly basis, but when my parents are short on cash, I won't be there to help them out anymore once I'm on my own. It'll be nice to have a house by the end of the summer. So we'll see how this pans out.

No More Being MIA

I've been MIA from all the get togethers for awhile now. Mainly because I'd rather be with Jason than see people I've known for awhile now. That's what happens in a new relationship anyways. I told myself I wouldn't do that, but it happened so fast that I didn't realize I've been MIA until Eddie told me I was. This weekend, I decided to cancel my movie night with Jason on Friday to go to Lavo with the homies. I felt really sad that I had to tell him I wasn't coming over. And Jill told me to stop being a baby since I'll be seeing him on Saturday and Sunday anyways. The night started out around 10pm at the Palazzo's parking lot. Try finding your friends when you all have T-Mobile and no one has reception. Yea, it sucked. When we were finished playing hide and seek, we get into Lavo with it being open bar for all vodka drinks. By the time it was 1 am, some of us were ready to call it a night. You know you're old when you want to call it a night at 1 am. I wanted to go to Jason's but he was at a pool hall with his friends. He asked me to come over, but I was exhausted and was a little buzzed. I didn't want to think on how to get there. And he texted me when he got home and I think I was drunk because I don't remember texting him until I saw them the next morning. I shouldn't text when I'm drunk and sleeping. So instead of going all out, I should ease into getting back into the night life.

Period Inducing Panties

So this whole month, Jason and I have been walking on egg shells. We weren't sure if we made a mistake or not. We had a talk about what would happen if I was pregnant. He said he's not ready to be a father, and I'm not ready to be a mother. But if I did get pregnant, it'll be hard for me to actually get an abortion. So, I've been waiting for my period to start and when it didn't, I got really nervous. If I was pregnant, I know Jason will be really angry because he asked me to take the morning after pill and I refused. I was supposed to get my period yesterday and I got a little nervous when it didn't come since I'm usually regular and on time. The past 3 months, I saw a pattern when I got my period. It's usually when I'm wearing these pink and white stripped underwear from Victoria's Secret. So this morning, I figured, I might as well give it a try. So after showering, I put on the pink and white underwear, and pray that I get my period today. Right before my lunch, I noticed some spotting and I got really excited. I've never gotten really excited to get my period before. So that's 'Victoria's Secret' to their pink and white underwear, they induce periods. You haven't failed me yet.

Stranded

Last night, I spent the night at Jason's house. What was supposed to be a wonderful night, turned into an interesting night. We were going to celebrate that he finally got a job. And Jason had sold his car seats so he needed to send them to Utah via the Grayhound by 10pm. If you're from Vegas, you'll know that downtown is pretty ghetto and we only had an hour to get there. We made it just in time, which made us happy because we can get home early and hang out before bed.

We got into the car, turn the key, and nothing. A few pumps of the clutch, a turn of the key, and nothing. His car wont start! Oh no! We didn't have jumper cables and someone was getting arrested down the street. Great. At least if something happens to us, we don't have to wait for the cops. He made a few calls. While I call the 'ex hubby' Daniel. He kind of complained a bit, but eventually agreed to come give us a jump. Jason's friends were on their way so I called Daniel back and told him he doesn't have to come anymore. When Mike and Adam came to the rescue, we found out the battery was fine. It appeared the starter was not working and they had to pop the clutch in order for it to start up again. I hop into the other car with Stasia, and we watch the guys push the car. We follow them to a parking lot a few feet away, where the parking attendent was being a dick. He said if we didn't move the car, he's going to call the cops on us. Has he no compassion that we're broken down?? Nope! So Stasia and I drove around in Adam's car while the guys figure out what to do. Apparently, when we left, they were able to beat the green light and run the car across the street and Jason was able to get the car started. We said our goodbyes, and head home because we're exhausted. What was supposed to be a quick errand turned into a 2 hour adventure. We got to the gate and when he tried to enter the gate key, he left the car in gear and it stalled. Great! Good thing the roommates were home. They were able to pop the clutch again and we all walked home.

What an exhausting night! But the good news is Jason and I are getting better at sleeping together. I was able to sleep more this time around. He did wake up a few times, which woke me up. What was cute was when he woke up, he'd cuddle with me and give me a kiss. During this whole ordeal, Jason didn't once show how pissed off he was. He was a little annoyed, but he just laughed it off from time to time. That made me more attracted to him. While some guys would probably get really angry, he just took it in strides and went with the flow. He's such a great guy.

Clingy

Lately I've been showing signs of a clingy girlfriend and I hate it. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been wanting to be with Jason all the time. I tried avoiding this by not getting too close to him too fast, but when I like someone, I fall fast and hard. I hate that feeling because it usually ends with me getting hurt. And nobody wants to get hurt right? And I need to also stop acting like a brat when I don't get my way.
Last Tuesday, I asked him to come to the movies with me because I missed him a lot. He was going to be on my side of town anyways. And he said he couldn't, cuz since he missed lunch with his dad, he had to see his dad on Wednesday. But I kept bugging him and he said he'll try. Wednesday, he didn't say yes or no to me, so after work I called him and said don't even bother coming to the movies with me. My friend will just go with me instead. My friend is a guy. He sounded a little disappointed and I told him to call me after the gym since he was with his friend getting his car. He called me 20 minutes later after he got his car to tell me he misses me and was being all lovey dovey. It made me feel better that he admited he missed me but I also felt bad for going to the movies with another guy. The whole time I was in the movies, I kept thinking of him.
Last night I asked if he wanted to go to a lounge with me for my friend's birthday and he said no. I kept bugging him to come because my friends want to meet him. So today, I texted him saying I was sorry for trying to pressure him into going to the lounge with me especially since he got mad at his friend for doing the same thing when he's tight on money. He said he's not mad but I think he was a little annoyed that I keep trying to get him to do stuff when he's really broke. But then he invited me to his friend's birthday party which I felt like I invited myself to. But he reassured me he wants me to come. I need to start going out with friends so I won't suffocate Jason. Cuz I feel like I am and I really am not like this. lol.