Trendy Virus

So I'm not feeling very well at the moment. And it's totally bad timing. I hate how I somehow got sick right when the swine flu is going around. When I tell people I'm not feeling well, they automatically think it's the swine flu. It's irritating the hell out of me. Just because I'm sick doesn't automatically mean it's the swine flu. Have some sense people. I don't have the symptoms. I just have a sore throat and runny nose. I don't have a high fever or aching body. It might not even be a cold. I think I have allergies since I got a sore throat all of a sudden last night. Just make sure you know your information before you go and start accusing sick people they have swine flu. It's not funny ostracizing someone for having a cold.

Conspicuously Flirting

Jill sent me a text today saying her friend Keoni is now single! I told her awhile back that I thought he was cute based on his picture on his facebook. But she told me he was on and off with his girlfriend. And I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship since I just got out of one. I just thought he was cute. I finally met him on Saturday for my friend's birthday and we instantly started a conversation about tennis since he and Jill play tennis once in awhile. I told Jill that we were talking at Risque for a little bit, but I was more focused on hanging out with Steve. And she said that she wished she went to Risque to watch me flirt with Keoni because she finds it amusing how I'm so obvious when I flirt. She told me that she and Ann had fun watching me obviously flirt with Steve the weekend before. I should work on being inconspicuous with my flirting ways. But what sometimes gets me is when I'm not flirting, I come off as being a flirt. It's just the way I talk to people. I get into the conversation sometimes that I tend to touch the person whom I'm talking to. But there was no flirting with Keoni that night. Just making conversation with him and I found him a really nice and funny guy. So who knows what will happen.

Homebound

So I've decided to just take a break on buying a house. I figured I'm not financially ready to buy a house because I'm not ready to give up traveling yet. Even though I haven't really traveled a lot, I like having that option that I can afford to go anywhere. Plus, my mom just asked to borrow some money so I definitely can't buy a house. I can't complain anyways. I get to do anything I want here and I get to come home to a home cooked meal. All I have to do is do the dishes and it's all good.

Lucky at Being Unlucky

After a long night of partying and meeting a really cute guy, I was on an exhaustion high when I was rudely woken up by my mother. She wanted to go shopping for an outfit for my cousin's wedding so I got ready so we can go to the mall when it first opens. So my mom and I drive down Sahara and the next thing we hear is some loud rumblings. I thought it was the guy's car right next to me. But it turned out to be me! I got a flat tire...AGAIN! I just had a flat tire in September. What are the odds?!
So my dad came and changed my tire and we switched cars so I could still go to the mall. I was so depressed that I have to buy a new tire that I went overboard at the mall. I came home with 3 pairs of shoes, 3 dresses, a pair of jeans, and 2 tops. Wow. I went all out today with the shopping. Retail therapy is great until you see the effects a month later. But I rarely splurge so I'm not having any buyer's remorse. Good news though. I don't need to buy a new tire yet. My dad was able to use the old tire from the last time I had a flat.

Bump on the Head

So I'm not sure if I should be alarmed or not, but I've had this massive headache since Monday and I even found a bump on my head. Although, I'm not sure if I've had this bump already or not. And if I didn't have this bump, I don't know how I got it. I don't remember hitting my head. So that's why I'm not sure if I should be frightened or not. I was asking Aprille if I should see a doctor about it since she's a nurse and she asked her boyfriend Rod since he's a doctor. They were supposed to call me last night, but by the time she texted me, I was already sleeping.

I've been sleeping butt early lately. I fell asleep around 9:45pm last night. I wanted to sleep at 9pm, but I forced myself to stay up for 45 minutes and that was a huge struggle. Towards the end, I was pretty much asleep but I woke up at 9:45 just to turn off the tv. I wonder if this headache is from my lack of food intake. Since I've been stressed and depressed lately, I haven't been eating lately. The week I was stressed out about Jason and realized he was going to break up with me, I barely ate. A lot of people will eat when they're stressed, not me. I get nauseous and have no appetite. It was so bad that last weekend, I was down to 95 pounds. Gross huh? Well I've gained a little bit of weight back, but I'm still under 100 pounds. I ate so much on Saturday that I think I gained 5 pounds that day. Not too sure if I like being under 100 pounds. I like how my stomach and arms are skinnier but I don't appreciate my boobs shrinking with the rest of them. So now that I'm back to eating like a normal person, I'm trying to work out to balance it out. But it's hard to work out when you have this headache pounding your head with every little movement you make. I can't wait til I'm back to my normal self. I hate being like this and I'm trying to get over it, but I guess everyone is right. I just need to take it slow.

I'm Not the Same...Yet

I really don't understand how Jason could have this much affect on me. I've been so down lately since the breakup that everyone are noticing that I'm not the bubbly upbeat person anymore. Not everyone at work knows what happened so they'll come up to me and ask me to smile or if I'm ok. Which makes it worst for me cuz I have to put on a smile and say 'yea everything is fine.' I'm trying to be the same person I was before I met Jason and while I was with him, but I can't. I just woke up this morning angry because I had a dream about him where it was like the night we had dinner and he was a total douche bag towards me. I thought I've moved on but I guess I got hurt more than I realized. I have the best friends who will keep me company and ask me how I'm doing and try to cheer me up. I'm greatful for them. Well, it has only been a week since we've broken up so I guess I'm asking too much of myself to get over him already. People keep telling me it takes about half the time we were together to get over someone. So am I supposed to feel crappy for a month and a half? I hate this transition.

It's a No Go

So I decided to cancel my offer for the house. Jill told me the day I was going to sign the papers she couldn't be my roommate anymore. She talked to her mom and her mom begged her to stay at home. Her mom is going through empty nest syndrome and I don't blame her. But sometimes it's best to just let go. I know my parents were getting sad when I said I wanted to move out, but they were really supportive. I still could have moved out, but I didn't feel like living for my house. Living by myself meant I wouldn't be keeping my lifestyle. No more taking vacations whenever I want to. No more splurging on myself whenever I feel like it. I felt so bad too for having to cancel the offer because Amy had came in the office early to fill out my paperwork. She was so nice and patient with me that I felt so bad telling her 2 hours before meeting her I couldn't take the house. This house was perfect for me. It wasn't my first choice but my first choice was made for me with my future family. My first house with my family, I'll definitely have a casita. But this house, it was perfect for a single young woman. It was 1600 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 den. It had upgraded flooring to tiles and had surround sound speakers built in. Oh well. It's a sign that I just still need to save up. I still need some traveling to do and meet the one. Maybe he'll buy me my first house. Just being hopeful.

Moving on Up

The past few days I've been looking at houses again. At first I was hesitant to look since the main reason I even considered buying a house was so I can move out and have Jason and I be together alone. But since we broke up on Friday, I thought maybe I could just live at home for awhile. But when I started looking, I realized that maybe it is time I move out. I'm almost 25 and I should learn to grow up now. Learn how to balance my expenses, cook, clean, and such. Hell, if it doesn't work out, I can always move back home and just rent out the place. But looking at houses did take my mind off of the loss of my relationship. When I get home though, I think about him and I'd still go on his facebook to see if he changed his status. As of right now, he still hasn't. Which I'm sure he won't for awhile since he's busy with his two jobs and trying to fit in working out. I don't know why I care so much. I'm sure he doesn't think about me. I bet he's relieved he got rid of me so he has more time to be with his friends and do nothing. I need someone who is emotional mature and is going to be with me for the long haul. For now, it is singlehood again. It sucks but I have no choice. Maybe I should take up on Jill's mom's offer of this cute accountant. But I hate getting set up, but you never know.

The Break Up

Thursday night, Angela and Jill both three wayed me and I knew instantly something was up. Apparently my suspicions were correct. Jason told Matt that he was going to break up with me this weekend and Kelly overheard him and told Angela who then told Jill and me. I was told that Jason doesn't want to be serious with me. Which got me confused because he was the one who chased me for 2 weeks and asked me to be his girlfriend right away. I was the one who asked him to slow down because I felt like we were moving too fast. And I was also told that the only reason why he asked me to be his girlfriend right away was so I wouldn't sleep with anyone else. How selfish and immature is that? He wasted my time and played with my emotions. He told me he was a relationship guy and doesn't like to date around. He should just stick to dating casually then. I was so angry and heartbroken when I heard this that after I got off the phone with them, I texted Kelly for more answers. And she told me that he is really selfish and immature and she hates him. She is glad that I won't be dating him anymore.

So Friday comes along, and the plan was to go clubbing at Jet and break it off with Jason right after. Jill and I rode together since I asked if I could spend the night at her house. I thought that I would be too devastated to drive all the way home by myself. So her whole goal was to get me good and drunk that night. But I decided that it would be best for me not to so I won't get too emotional. I had a good time hanging out with everyone. The only reason why I agreed to come out was because Tiff was in town from Hawaii. We decided to go to Ellis Island after clubbing to hang out for a bit and while I was there, Jason keeps texting and calling me. Asking how was the club and that he was going home already. As he texted me, I was asking Kelly what's going on at home. She was telling me when he got home and what he was doing. I decided to not answer him and let him wait. He left me hanging all week by not talking to me, so why talk to him right?

Around 2:30 am, we decided to just get it done with. Jill and Tiff dropped me off and waited outside. I told them I'll only take ten minutes. So I grab my bag with me so he thinks I don't know we're breaking up. I called him to let me in and he said he kept calling me. And I said, yea I know. I was busy talking to my friends. I get in the house and quickly say hi to Matt and Kelly and tell him let's go upstairs.

As we sat in his room, I say we need to talk and he said that I read his mind. Then a few seconds of silence. Then he asked where do I see this relationship going? And I said, well I thought it was going to be for awhile, but I realized that we wouldn't work. He said that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but realized that he wasn't. I told him that I didn't really appreciate him wasting my time and how he treated me this whole week. He was acting really immature and was really rude towards me. He appologized for acting that way and for hurting me. And I accused him of still being in love with his ex girlfriend because he would always talk about her and he confirmed he still has feelings for her but they aren't the type where he would go back to his ex. I told him I realized we wouldn't be able to work because he doesn't know what he really wants in life. I need someone who knows what he wants to do with his life. Someone who I believe will be my future. And he agreed that this is his fault and that I didn't do anything wrong and I agreed I didn't do anything wrong. I told him he needs to get his shit together if he ever wants to be in another relationship. Then he said that asking him to pick me up was so unreasonable because I was so far away. And I told him that when we were dating, he was willing to pick me up. And he said he only did that to show that he really liked me. And then he said that just because we got together doesn't mean he liked me less and then he brought up the money issue. I told him I was willing to come over to his house and I too have bills to pay. I just felt like he was making too many excuses and while we were talking Jill beeped her horn and I immediately texted her almost done. I wrapped it up by grabbing my stuff and giving his stuff too. We hugged goodbye and he said that hopefully when I'm not too angry with him we can still be friends. I told him maybe. Right now, I still miss him at times and I'm still a little angry at him. I am kinda annoyed that he wanted me to come over so he can break up with me. That's fucked up for him to make me drive all the way to his house just to break up with me. But he did treat me well until this past week. Kelly tainted his memory with all the shit he does at home, but in my heart and in my mind, he was a good boyfriend. I just met him at the wrong time. But I'm not sure if I'll be friends with him later. I tend not to keep in touch with ex boyfriends.

3 Month Curse

Wow. What a difference a week can make. Looks like I am single once again. It seems like I can't seem to get past 3 months in a relationship. I blame it on Shawn since he is 2 for 2. The last two boyfriends seem to end within a week or two right after he meets them on his birthday. I will not bring a boyfriend to his birthday next year.

It seems like my relationship with Jason changed so drastically that everyone thought I was pulling an April fools on them when I confided in them my relationship was on the rocks. Mainly because just two weeks ago, we were really affectionate towards each other at Shawn's birthday.

Last Friday, we went out to dinner with a few friends of mine and then we watched a movie at his place after. I made a mistake of telling him that I was falling for him. I didn't mean that I am necessarily in love with him. I just felt like I'm developing stronger feelings for him than I had when we initially started dating. This triggered his unusual behavior towards me.

He was supposed to come over on Sunday since I didn't come over Saturday. When I texted him after work, he said he was at his friend's house moving stuff around and won't be done til later. He will come over after if it's not too late. He texted me at the end of the day saying he's done but since it's late, we'll catch a movie on Monday after work.

So Monday comes, and I text him good morning. He mentioned it's his friend's birthday dinner and asked if I want to come. I said sure and asked for the details which he said he'd give me later. We stopped talking since I was at work. I texted him after work asking for details but no reply. So I called him around 7 and then texted him because I know dinner is at 8 but I don't know where. He texted me a half an hour later the directions and said to be there by 8. I asked him if he could pick me up and he said he couldn't, and he said, "you don't have to go, I'm just letting you know about it." That text caught me off guard. It was so rude. I was waiting in the parking lot for 45 minutes because he was late and he was acting like a jerk to me throughout dinner. I said my goodbyes to everyone and to him and told him to call me tomorrow. He jokingly said no, but he didn't call me. Our only conversation on Tuesday was me initiating the good night text.

We didn't communicate for two days. Then Thursday comes and I texted him good morning. I needed to know if I'm sleeping at his house on Friday. So I asked if he still wants me to sleep over and he said sure. So I'm excited that everything is ok with him. He was just busy. Well I was wrong. Since this is a really long story, I'll "break up" the entries. No pun intended. ;)