What I'll Miss

So my body doesn't realize that I'll be single soon. I've been waking up earlier and earlier each day thinking that Eric will give me my usual morning call. It hurts more and more thinking it's finally over. Tomorrow is supposedly the day we're going to break up. As I'm writing this, I can't believe I'm awake before 7am on a Saturday. Eric usually calls me around 6:30am everyday right before he goes to work, even on the weekends. I'm thankful for my friends who keep trying to comfort me in this time in need. A lot of my friends have never seen my emotional side because I try to hide the pain I feel.

What I'll miss the most is the chemistry and the connection Eric and I had. We were complete opposites and yet we were able to hold a conversation for hours on end everyday. It's hard to find a guy who will talk to you for five minutes, let alone a few hours. He and I would talk about anything and everything. I will miss the Friday nights cuddling and massage sessions. Even though he wasn't the best person who gave massages, his efforts were cute. He was just a big dork at heart and I'll miss that. But I realize more that we were never meant to be. I saw him for who he was and it's definitely not what I want in a boyfriend. The second night he was in LA, he got lost and he called me. He was getting furious because his friend gave him the wrong directions so he kept yelling while he was on the phone with me. He wasn't yelling at me, he was just yelling to express how angry he was that he couldn't get home. You know that saying that women date men who are similar to their fathers. His short temper and his desire to not be social is definitely how my father acts. But his strong worth ethics and his do it yourself attitude is what made me see the qualities I enjoy seeing in my father.

Sometimes I feel that I'm okay with the break up and I'll be fine. Then I'll randomly just cry out of nowhere and realize that I'm still in deep like with him. Some people say he's making this fight about judging people as an excuse to just break up with me. It seems like it but I don't want to taint our relationship. Even though it wasn't a long one, it was definitely one for the books. He made the beginning of 2008 memorable for me and that's how I want to remember it.