Just Cause I'm Nice Doesn't Mean It's a Crush

My coworker at work is going through a divorce after 13 years of marriage. I feel really bad for the guy so the past couple of months, I've been talking to him to make sure he's ok. Once in awhile, I'll compliment him on how he's a good catch just to boost his ego. On Monday, we were talking about relationships and he told me that I was a good catch. How I'm smart and beautiful and he even told me that a few guys around the office do notice me for my wonderful qualities. Later on in the conversation, he said we should have lunch sometime and I said I was free on Friday. His response? "Ok! It's a date!" I tried to not be too obvious that I didn't want it to be a date by saying, "uhhh, we can invite the guys. I'm sure they'd like to join us." Then he says that it won't be a date anymore. How can I be completely oblivious?! I tend to flirt on accident because when I talk to people, I'll touch them once in awhile. I even do it to girls. And clearly I do not like girls. It's just my way of showing the person that I'm really listening to them. So now it's awkward whenever I see him because I don't feel the same way. I once told my other coworker that I would never date a coworker, but lately I've been noticing this other coworker of mines. He's pretty cute and I'd break my rule for him.

Peace Out

I like to live life without any regrets because once something is done, there is no way to change the past. But these past couple of months, I feel like maybe I did make a mistake and that history is repeating itself. You got what you wanted and in the end you are still an asshole just like before. I seem to never learn I guess. But it's okay because I don't need you in my life. I'm tired of trying and we don't need to be friends anymore. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If there ever is a time in the distant future that we start talking again, I'll keep you at arms length because there will not be a third time. Til then, peace out.

Just My Luck!

For the past month, I've been working 12+ hours everyday even on weekends, getting free dinner, and barely sleeping to prepare for my first G2E show as a game developer. And at the same time, I've been sick for 2 weeks. This cold lasted so long because I haven't had a chance to rest. Yes, I did take two days off when I first got sick but it wasn't enough. I started to feel better yesterday until the end of my shift and the beginning of my overtime shift. I got home around 9pm and rushed into bed because I couldn't get warm. I realized that I was running a fever and my whole body was aching. Just my luck! One day before G2E and I catch a fever. So today, I had to call in sick which today is probably the most I'm needed. I called my boss to see if my game loaded correctly last night but I felt awful for not being able to go to the show. I'm just glad my boss is very understanding especially since I've been working so much. My plans after G2E? Sleep, shop, and see people I havn't seen since I was too busy working.

Sleeping Through History

Yesterday was when America found out the next president will be Barack Obama. So where where you when history was in the making? Yea I was sleeping. I've been sick for the past two days and been sleeping my illness away. I don't even know how I got sick. I wasn't near anyone that was sick the past few weeks. The only thing that I think can cause this was the flu shot I got a few weeks ago. Regardless on how I got sick, this is just bad timing. I haven't been at work in two days and the show is in two weeks. I'm just thankful that I have a very understanding boss who is capable of filling my position when I cannot. I just hope I am well enough to function tomorrow because I can't miss 3 days in a row. I've been so bored here at home that all I've been doing is sleeping, watching tv, and eating soup. I hate being sick.

50 Dollar Chicken Wings and Pizza

For Julia's birthday weekend, she got a room at the Venetian so we can party at Tao without having to worry about driving home. Ever since the cruise, we've been missing that lifestyle of partying in the club and just walk downstairs into our room. We decided we were on 'vacation' and not worry about anything. We even came up with fake names and places we were from. We wanted to use ugly names so Julia's friend said she'll be Olga, without realizing that it was her friend Chris' mom's name. After eating at the Grand Lux, we pregamed in the room where we finally finished the coffee patron and the hennessy Aprille and I bought for my birthday. We got into Tao and kept drinking until 2am. Well technically it was 3am, but the clocks changed on us. We were starving but no place to eat so we decided to order room service. We were so desperate for food that we didn't care it cost 50 bucks for a medium pizza and 6 pieces of chicken wings. We tried to wake up Julia to get her to eat since she wanted chicken wings but she was too tired and said I could eat them. So we ate them, but left her 3. Next thing we know, she woke up and got mad for a brief second that we ate them. We ate almost all the food because it was 50 bucks. We never waste food when it's that expensive. Even though we spent so much this weekend, it was worth it. I can't complain since they spent about 500 bucks to go to my birthday. What's a hundred bucks for Julia's birthday right? Besides, with good friends, money doesn't matter. And this weekend was like the cruise, partied all weekend with barely any sleep. And unfortunately, we don't have a day off to recover, but it was worth it.

How Do I?

How do you comfort a friend who is doubting her marriage? How do you comfort a friend who thinks her husband is cheating on her? How do you comfort a friend who believes her husband will never change and is an awful father? Today Carrie and I caught up over donuts because she's moving in a few weeks to San Pedro with her husband. We were catching up on what was going on in our lives when she told me everything going on with her marriage. She confessed that her husband told her that while in Iraq he was contemplating a divorce. They aren't happy and they fight a lot. She told me he flirts a lot and that doesn't bother her but when she found picture text messages from random girls, that made her wake up. She wants to talk to him but whenever they do, they fight and he doesn't admit to his mistakes. All I could say was, I'm sorry and asked how long has this been going on. I feel bad because their marriage is on the rocks but I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I told her that hopefully it'll get better when they settle in California. I asked if she'd leave him if he is cheating on her and she said she doesn't know. Even though she doesn't want to think about it, I told her that she needs to have a back up plan just in case it ever leads to that. It's so hard to see someone who is such a good person go through hell and you can't do anything about it. Pray that everything goes well.

Just a Waste of My Time

Last weekend was our JMARCK. Academy party and at the end of the party, everyone knew I liked Leon. He's the first Asian guy I liked in a long time. Julia's whole goal of the night was to get me 'pizza' from Leon. So everyone got the hint that I liked him. The next day, Eddie asked if anything will happen with me and him and I said of course not. I tried to get his attention the whole night and it didn't go anywhere. Towards the end of the night, I was bored with him. He wasn't catching the bait I was using and I know why. He doens't like Asian bait. He's into white girls and that sucks. I feel like a black woman when the black man she likes only likes white women. What's wrong with us Asian women huh? Anyways, everyone keeps telling me you never know. He might go for me even if I'm Asian. Well all I gotta say is he lost his chance, and it's just a waste of time trying to convince him Asian women are just as beautiful as white women. And plus, he's two years younger than me. I need someone who's either almost finished with school, or is already finished. I don't need to babysit a guy. That's what marriage is for right?

San Diego Adventures

Going to San Diego was quite a journey. Hitching a ride with my dad to Cerritos for Jason's baptismal only to leave 4 hours later with Marvin whom I've only met the weekend before at Tao through Aprille. Marvin takes me to San Diego where he tries to scare me with a story of the haunted freeway. It's off the Sorrento Valley exit on the 805 South freeway. The story is that a long time ago, there was an accident on that exit involving a school bus where there were either a few fatalaties if not all. And they say that the exit is now haunted by the children who passed away that fateful day. The exit is on a downward slope and at the end of the exit is a stop light. They say if you stop your car at the light and put it on neutral, your car will be pulled up the slope all the way to the top. As we exit the freeway, Marvin stops his car and puts it on neutral and low and behold, we go up the ramp! I'm so glad that it was daytime because that would hella freak me out even more at night.
Finally getting to Lyn's house, the girls take a nap to get ready to go clubbing later that night. The night was short lived because of some drama among their friends so we end up at Russ' house to party some more. I guess we were so exhuasted and drunk. We get to his house and laid down on the living room floor to watch some tv and the next thing we know is that it's 7 in the morning and we have blankets on us.
Aprille and I left Sunday with barely any gas left in her tank. We couldn't find a Cheveron so she said she could make it from San Diego to Ontario with very little gas. She promised me we'll get gas there. She exited in Corona looking for a gas station because we were on EMPTY. We circle around a shopping center looking for a gas station and no luck. Luckily for us, we miss our freeway entrance and we found a gas station just in time. Beggers can't be choosers when we're on empty. We had to get gas at Shell. A lot more happened in my one day stay in San Diego but these were just the highlights.

Let Me Go

It's so hard to grow up with traditional Filipino parents because they will always believe their grown children are still children and still treat them like they are children. It's so hard for them to accept the fact that their children don't need to depend on them anymore. This year has been the first time I've gone out of town with friends without them and they kept calling me to see if I was okay. They don't realize that I can take care of myself. I'm financially independent and am capable of making my own decisions. It's really annoying when they are constantly calling and reminding me not to travel at night. Yes the sun goes down. No I cannot control it. And if I have to travel at night, I am capable of driving. They need to let me go before they push me away and they'll rarely see me.

Open Book

I've always been able to tell people everything about me, both good and bad. I've come to realize that maybe being an open book is not a good thing. It can backfire and work against me. At work, I've been honest about my life and what I do in my spare time. With friends, I've told a selected few everything about my life including personal secrets about the guys I've been with. I'm not one to keep minor secrets about people . I'll usually tell someone who's not in the circle and will never run into the person the secret is about.

My current secret. I slept with my best guy friend and we told each other we'd never tell anyone about us. We'd pretend we're having a secret love affair. The day after, Aprille asked me if I had sex and I automatically said yes. The only reason why I told her was because she has never met him and probably will never meet him. Ever since the cruise, I felt like we can talk about anything especially about sex. Then I asked if she had sex and she sadly said no since Rod was out of town. But she did tell me they did when I left his house two weekends ago. I said thanks for waiting for me to leave because I really don't want to hear them having sex, only because Aprille says she's pretty loud. LOL.

Never Say Never

I've done something that I've told myself I'd never do and I'm not ashamed of it either. Fatigue played a huge part of our early retire not feelings of uncomfortableness. The only thing that crossed my mind was what took so long and when will it happen again. And I know nothing will become of it because it's been over for quite awhile now. It's just happening for the present benefits and I'm okay with it this time around. Don't judge me for being a hypocrite. Thanks.

Adventures With Monica & Aprille

A night is never boring when Aprille and I are together. For one, neither one of us can say no to the other. Last night was no exception. We began our night pregaming in the parking lot of the Venetian and then concluding the pregaming inside the Venetian with Eddie and Aprille's friend Marvin. After a few shots of Coffee Patron and Hennessy, we continued our night at Tao. I haven't gone clubbing since January so I was pretty excited. We headed straight to the bar of course and ordered some vodka redbulls then ran around Tao looking for Lisa. A few vodka redbulls later, we were having a good time trying to loose our cockblockers Marvin and Eddie. Aprille had the hiccups so we left Tao where she refused to stop by the bathroom to let me pee. We got to her car and she opened the two doors on her side and told me to pee in the parking lot. I've never done that before in Vegas, only in California. We both got in her car and she tried to convince me we can both just drive home. I told her that we're staying in her car until we sober up because we're definitely both trashed. She parked her car next to my car and we passed out. Everything after this is a little blurry.

I was told that Mikey and I were communicating at this point and he found us because we kept honking our horn for like 20 minutes. We knocked out in Aprille's car with the engine running when they reached us and they got into Aprille's car. They woke us up and she's convinced she can drive again so she pulls out of the parking space and she tried to make a left turn towards the elevators where we yell to turn right so she made a sharp right turn and parks her car where we passed out again. The next thing I remember is they woke us up and I convinced them to take my car to my house where we both pass out on my bed. Two hours later, the tables are turned and Aprille is the one trying to wake me up to get me to take her home.

Last weekend, I was waking her up at Rod's house to take me home after a night of partying. We both try to find a few things around my room including her keys. Apparently she was able to put her key on the key chain and there was money all over my room. Not sure why her money was everywhere. All I know was, last night was an awesome time and we're both going to California this weekend and I can't wait. Stay tune for the next adventures with Monica and Aprille! And of course, we never drink and drive that is why we were sleeping in the car. I know when I can drive and I'm really good at reading people to know if they can't drive either. I'm thankful Mikey was there to insist on finding us to make sure we were okay. I just hate how I'm never sleeping on the weekends now. But I realized that my bed was pretty busy this weekend. ;)

Camera Miracle

It's a miracle! I fixed my camera using every guy's method. Forcing the lens to close by hitting it against my hand. Once the lens were closed, I pushed the power button not sure if I want it to turn on or not. If it turns on, then I'll have no excuse to buy another camera. If it doesn't turn on, then I'll mourn the loss of a great camera. What happened? It turns on. Don't get too excited. It's not the same camera as it was two weeks ago. It turns on with the lens a little zoomed in and I can't zoom out any farther than that. It turns on to a blurry lens until you zoom in and out to adjust the focus. I've decided I'm still going to buy a new camera. Use this old camera whenever I go out to events that involves alcohol and use the new one for other things. So no more mourning my camera. It has resurrected from the dead!

24 is Expensive

• New camera: $300
• Two new tires: $160
• Birthday trip: $500
• Being able to say I had a good time: priceless

I've only been 24 over a week and I've already experienced some bad luck and an overload in my budget. Aprille, Julia, and I all have the same problem. Parents financially taking advantage of us because we have a career. The 2 years I've been working, I've never really spent anything on myself. Yes, I buy myself clothes and such, but all my big expenses goes to my parents. I think the most I spent on myself at one time was $200. So we definitely indulged on the cruise. Unfortunately, while on the cruise, I broke my camera. I'm not angry at Julia for dropping it since I know it was an accident. And plus I wanted a new camera anyways. Bad luck number 1.

Then on Saturday, we had a one week reunion from our vacation and went to Blue Martini. We bought quite a few drinks and drank like we were in Mexcio. Julia kept telling everyone it was my birthday so everywhere I went people greeted me like we were in Mexico again. At the end of the night Aprille, Rod, and Phil were walking me to my car when we noticed I had a flat tire. Great! Bad luck number 2. So I spent the night at Rod's house only to wake up at 6am freaking out because I didn't want it to look like I spent the night at a guy's house with my whole family on my dad's side spending the night at my house. I didn't know what to do so I called Aprille's phone hoping she'd pick up. There was no way in hell was I going in their room. I do not want to walk in the middle of anything. I finally get a hold of her 30 minutes later and we slowly get going. Walking through the front door at 8am to my grandparents in the living room was pretty humiliating. I immediately say I got a flat tire and spent the night at Aprille's house and she just dropped me off. I said that my car was the only lucky one since it was the only thing that got nailed that night. We were all too drunk to get lucky. I found out on Monday that someone had slashed my tire instead of the nail flatening it. I immediately thought Linda did it but I have no proof. Yes she was there at Blue and yes she does hate me, but can she be that cruel? If it was her, then I hope Karma tortuously bitch slaps her.

People say bad things happen in threes just like death so I'm waiting for my 3rd bad luck. I'm just hoping it's not as expensive as the other two. From the pattern the cost of my bad luck is decreasing but the impact on me increases. Let's just hope that I'm done with the bad luck. I can't afford it. Maybe the universe is telling me to take another vacation. I really do deserve another one.

(H)O-LA!

Mexico was an awesome vacation and birthday in one. Even though it was only the three of us, I wouldn't change anything. Aprille and Julia are the greatest vacation buddies I could ever ask for. We all bonded with each other and realized how similar we all are. We were together the whole time from beginning to end. We shared our deepest secrets and made new secrets with each other. You would think there were more people in our room since we were so loud but it was just the three of us. All we talked about were the show Friends, food, alcohol, sex/penis looking objects, and pizza. There were so many phallic looking objects on that ship. It's like a porn convention. We were pretty popular for our vulgar behavior and being the ones from Vegas. And we were drinking the whole time since none of us had to drive anywhere. We just had to be able to get to the right room, unless someone said "pizza" then the other two would go upstairs and get some pizza while the other would get some "pizza". We all agreed that Mexico was OUR Las Vegas and promised to not divulge everything that happened on the trip. Let's just say that we took over 300 pictures and only about 100 can be posted online. Everyone keeps asking about the trip and all I can do is say, "I had a good time" with a big smile on my face. We made up a new dance and our theme song for the trip was Pretty Ricky's song On the Hotline. Driving home with an hour of sleep was crazy. And sleeping 13 hours to catch up on the lack of sleep felt great. We're already ready for the next trip, Cabo San Lucas. Til next time, Adios!

Overhearing Conversations

Me: Eye Candy lounge is alright. The only time I've been there, I was sober.

Aprille: You? Sober? Why?? Did you make another bet?

Me: Oh no. I couldn't drink cuz I was on medication.

Aprille: Medication?! That just sounds so wrong. If someone overheard our conversation, they'll wonder if you're crazy.

Me: Oh yeaaaa. Maybe I should say, I was taking my psychotic medication and see who starts walking faster cuz they were listening on our conversation.

Aprille: LOL. If they only knew.....

2 Weeks

Two more weeks to go til I'm off to Mexico. I have so many things to take care of and yet I'm procrastinating. I have to find some clothes to wear to the cruise. I have to buy some stuff to take with me. And I have to clean my room since the weekend I get back, my family will be staying at my house for the weekend. I enjoy having my family visit me but not when they stay at my house because they come in pacts of 15. So imagine about 20 people in one house with just two bathrooms. I have to stay in my parents' room and I have to lock up everything in my room. A few years ago, I found out my cousin was a kleptomaniac and likes to also destroy people's property. She cut a hole in my leather chair and she stole my diamond earrings. I couldn't prove it was her but who else would do it? My sister said she was the only one in my room while everyone was downstairs. So from now on, I carefully watch her. I remember when I was in California staying at her house, I saw that my contacts were ripped in half! At first I thought I accidentally ripped them the night before but whenever I rip my contacts they don't rip in half. So the next two weeks will be stressful but it will be all worth it. Relaxing on the cruise with some good friends.

Today Will Never Be the Same

Today has always been a unique day. Today is my aunt's and my two cousins' birthday. But it will never be the same anymore because today is PJ's birthday. He would have been 25 years old. I remember last year today I was in California with my cousin Christene celebrating her birthday with my cousins and we called PJ to greet him happy birthday. He has always been the light of the party in our family. But even though he's gone, he still makes us laugh. We talk about him all the time as if he's still with us. He was the greatest person I've ever met. Happy birthday PJ and I love you!

Kinda Bitter

Ever since my close friends turned down my birthday cruise, I've never felt more rejected in my life. I understand that they can't go because of money reasons but they didn't have to tell me they are going and then last minute tell me they can't afford it. I gave everyone 2 months to raise 300 dollars. I'd think that you would know by then if you can afford it or not. I was really excited that they were going to come along with me and then getting my hopes up makes me feel want to distant myself from them. This Saturday is Kathrina's late graduation party. I'm proud she finally graduated but I kinda feel bitter towards her for telling me she'd go on the cruise until the day before we were buying the tickets to tell me she can't afford it. It sounds childish to say that I won't go to her party since she isn't going to mine but that's what I feel like right now. I feel like I don't want to associate with my friends right now even though two of my friends are still going with me. It's all about the principle of sticking to your word and being responsible enough to just say no ahead of time. I graciously told her that I might not make it because I have some stuff to do this weekend which is true. It's PJ's and Christene's birthday tomorrow and Christene will be in town this weekend. And in honor of PJ's memory, I'd rather spend this time with my family.

One Month to Go

It's crazy to think that another year has past. Time does fly when you are older. And growing up is really hard to do. I've experienced so many things in a year, both good and bad. So this year I'll be turning the big TWO-FOUR. I'm tired of the same old way of celebrating my birthday. All we do is go clubbing for birthdays. So this year, I've decided to change it up a bit. I've decided not to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas. I'm going on a cruise to Mexico with a couple of friends. Through this trip, I've come to learn that some people are not as reliable as they seemed. I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a few close girlfriends. I trust these girls with my life. I gave everyone two months to decided if they can come or not. Everyone seemed very interested and excited which got me excited. Well it's a month before my birthday and everyone bailed out on me. Everyone except for two friends. One is a friend whom I only see on special occasions and the other is one I've met only once. I'm not complaining because they are awesome, but I wish that people would tell me straight up they couldn't afford it or they can't go because of work. It's hurtful getting me excited by telling me they'll go on the trip and bailing out last minute. But you know what, it'll be a blast. They will just miss out. Everyone is saying that their are sorry and are saying they'll make it up to me. Honestly, I don't want their pitty for not making it. And I'm not about to do another celebration when I get back so they can "make it up". I sometimes want to just not go to their birthdays just to show how hurtful I feel for them backing out last minute. But I'm never one to be that spiteful. So here is to year the 24.