I'm Dating a Jailbird

All day yesterday I was texting him and was wondering why he didn't text back. He usually texts back within a couple of hours unless he was somewhere he didn't have reception. He left me a voice mail last night while I was getting ready to go to Yard House. He said that he had a story to tell me. I wonder what that story was so I called him while I was getting dressed.

M: Hey. What's up? What's the story?
H: I just got out of jail.
M: What?! Uh. What happened?

Apparently he was partying all night Saturday night and sun rising Sunday he was going home on the 215 driving 5 mph over the speed limit when he got pulled over. The cop asked if he's been drinking and he said yea but the last drink I had was at midnight. So he was asked to step out of the car and was taken to jail. The legal limit is .080 and he blew a .082. He was complaining to me that the cop was overreacting and he should have just let him go since he was near his house. And I had to rationalize it to him that the cop was just doing his job and if he did let him go and something happened it would be the cop's fault. Yea the cop was a bit anal for pulling you over for just going over 5 mph but maybe he saw something else. Maybe you were swerving and you didn't know? I don't understand how people will make mistakes and when a cop turns them in, it's the cop's fault. They're just doing their job! So now he has a DUI on his record. And honestly, it's turning me off a little. Aprille and I were talking last night and we confessed to driving while being really buzzed that once we get home, we wonder how did we get home. But we don't do that anymore. I know my limit, and I will not drive if I can't. And when I drink, I will drive overly responsible. Last night, I had 2 drinks and 2 shots. Driving home, I saw about 5 cops. I drove the speed limit. I signaled for every turn. I didn't switch lanes too much. I got home safe without getting pulled over. And just be smart about it. It's a 3 day weekend, you should know that there will be LOTS of cops out there during the holidays. So maybe CJ was right last night. He was pretty drunk and "Just a Friend" was playing. So he kept singing it to me asking if he is just a friend. Maybe it will be better if he and I just stay friends. But who knows what will happen.

His Status

Not sure what prompted me to go on his facebook, but when I saw that he was signed on in facebook, I felt like I needed to clicked on his profile. I'm pretty sure I'm over him. Actually, I loathe him. I can't believe I ever dated him. But I noticed that he just changed his status to single and he still has our pictures posted in his album. Not sure what I'm feeling at the moment. Yea I hate him, but also I feel sorry for him. What I learned about him, he will never grow up. He will always depend on his parents and probably work in the casino all his life. Deep down I wish that he's hung up on me and regrets he broke up with me. I highly doubt it but that's what everyone things when they get dumped right? Eh whatever. I'm talking to another guy right now. It's a weird feeling dating someone right away. I usually stay single for a long time before actually meeting someone I like. Who knows where this will go. He seems he's really into me. It feels good not to chase a guy for once. Even though I like to chase guys, I've learned from these past few guys I've dated that I SHOULDN'T chase guys. This guy will text or call me without me asking him to. He's the one who invites me to go out all the time. He's also a great singer! The only thing about him is he talks a lot. It's cool that we can hold a conversation, but when I'm tired, I get more tired listening to him talk. Another iffy thing about him is his choice of degree. He wants to study philosophy, which is cool to follow your passion, but seriously. What can you do with that degree? But what I learned about him is that since he served his time in the military, once he gets his degree, he can learn to be a pilot which is what he really wants to do with his life. Maybe I'm just picking at his faults cuz I've been hurt so many times I don't want to fall for another guy and risk getting hurt again. We'll see where this goes.

Chap Stick Withdrawls

I miss my chap stick. I miss that feeling of having moisturized vanilla mint lips. I have an addiction and having a cold sore is a chap stick addict's nightmare. I'm using an antiviral cream on the cold sore and it said to not use anything on your lips. I'm only on my first day and I'm dying. I actually cheated. I put some chapstick on the other side of my lips that isn't infected with this cold sore. I should just throw that chap stick away though. It has cold sore germs on it.

My addict is so bad that one time my sister and I went to go shopping. She was driving and I realized I forgot my chap stick 5 minutes after we left the house. I asked if we could go back. She refused. I instantly felt my lips drying up and I tried to convince her to go back. She refused again and said we're wasting time if we went back. So I told her to stop by the Walgreens so I can buy another tube of chap stick. I'm being serious! I went to the pharmacy and bought another tube! They need to have Chap Stick Anonymous because this is a crazy addiction. Pretty soon I'm going to have the shaky hands going on just waiting for my next fix. It's hard to keep my tounge in my mouth too. I've been licking my lips once in awhile and that just feeds the flame to my addiction. My lips get drier and my temptation for my chap stick grows more. I seriously need help. Hurry up and heal lips so you can get rewarded with lucious vanilla mint. Mmmmm.

Dirty People Club

I went to the doctor today to diagnose this monstrous thing growing near my bottom lip and my doctor told me it looks like a cold sore. Great! I should have went with my first instinct on Friday. This would have been gone a long time ago if I didn't listen to that damn pharmacist and bought Abreva on Friday. I told my doctor I asked the pharmacist on Friday so I can buy some medication and she said, 'oh what do they know.' Since I complained they told me it wasn't a cold sore so I left it alone until I saw her. So now I'm suffering for a few more days because it grew more since then and to top it off, there are 2 more growing! I'm going to be in hiding for a long time.
The second I walked into work after the doctor's visit, my coworker Tom asked what's the verdict. My response? I'm a member of the Dirty People Club now. He likes to joke around that only 'dirty' people get cold sores or the medical term, herpes and NOT genital herpes mind you (they are different!) So he said, I knew deep down you are a dirty girl! So the whole day we were joking around how dirty we are. Besides, I think the reason why I got hit on on Saturday at Union Plaza was because of this cold sore. Who in their right mind would tell a girl she's hot when she has a honking cold sore on her face?? Only a guy who thinks she's easy would. Well, that's how I see it. But he probably looked passed my badge of dirty honor and saw my true beauty. Who knows. I turned him down because he creeped me out by following me to the bathroom and waiting for me to come out. Weirdo.
Anyways, it gonna sucks that I have this ugly cold sore this weekend. It's a 3 day weekend and people will wanna see me. So my plan this weekend? Bake a cheesecake on Friday. If the cold sore shrinks a bit, then dinner date with the boy on Saturday and maybe go clubbing with Aprille Sunday. If the cold sore is gone, then I'm gonna have a dirrrty weekend. ;)

Vicks Cures All

A couple of days ago, I woke up with this aching red bump near my bottom lip. I felt like my lip was a bit swollen too. As the days went by, the bump grew and hurt more. I thought it was a cold sore since it was near my lip. But it also looked like a pimple or a bug bite. So I didn't know what it was. I told my mom about it and asked if she knew what it was. She said she gets them sometimes and to just put vicks vapor rub on it. What?! Are you sure?! My mom thinks vicks cures everything. Every time I tell her I have something, she says to just put on some vicks and it'll go away soon. She reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding where they believe windex cures everything too. I was so worried about having a cold sore and wanting it to go away as soon as possible that I went to walgreens today to ask the pharmacist if I have a cold sore or not. Even though it's not a cold sore, I'm still going into hiding. This pimple or bug bite is hideous. I have a date tomorrow but I'm canceling it since the fam bam is coming down from California and staying at my house. I wanted to stay home this weekend anyways. So I'm just using this opportunity to take some r&r. The boy understands so it's all good. Besides, I don't want him to see me with this nasty bump on my lip.

Our First Fight

Well, technically it wasn't really a fight. It was more of Jill's annoyance with me. She asked me if I wanted to go to the San Gennaro Feast with her and our friends. I told her no since I'll be going with Keoni on Friday. And she was like, wow when did this happened? And I told her that I've been hanging out with him since Sunday and she got mad that I never told her. She said I always do that. I always tell her important things late and she felt that she's not that important for me to tell her as soon as things happen. I felt so bad because I realized that I do tell her important things after I see the effects. I appoligized but reassured her that she is the first person I tell things. I just tell her later because I'm in my own little world that I like to soak in what just happened before telling people. I told her I'm going to work on that because she is important to me and she always tells me everything as soon as possible when things happen to her. Friendships and relationships are a two way street and I should start stepping up and do my part.

On another note. I don't understand why some people don't let me catch a break. Why is it that people are allowed to say no to me, but when I say no, they give me grief for it and try to make me feel guilty? I understand when people say they can't come out at night because of work, but when I say I have work, I'm told that they won't go out with me the next time I invite them out. There have been many times where people will either tell me know they can't go or they'll say they'll go and just not show up. What do I do? I forgive them and just say we'll catch up next time. You try sitting in front of a computer for 9 hours a day and you'll know why I need my sleep. It sucks being a grown up but everyone's gotta do it. I just had to do it sooner than everyone else.

Good News Bad News

My life this week has been a series of bad luck. I swear I'm truly lucky at being unlucky. Earlier this year, I started to feel like crap. I thought I had a cold so I took cold medicine the first day. Then I realized it must be allergies because it came all of a sudden. Friday morning, I started feeling much better. So I got excited because I could have fun at Perry's wedding without having to deal with a runny nose. So that's the good news. But good news doesn't come without some bad news.
Bad news is. While I was getting ready, I threw my back out. Yea. How sad right? I'm fucking 24 years old, and my back went out on me. And it was stupid on how I threw it out. I was reaching with one arm for my Louis Vuitton purse in its LV bag in my closet. I forgot there was a catalog in there. When I was bringing it down, the catalog decided to switch sides inside the bag and it started to fall. So I reached with my farthest arm to catch it and I overreached and pulled something. Imagine a 24 year old yelling, "Owwww. My back! Damn I'm old, did that just come out of my mouth?" I seriously felt really old when I couldn't bend over and pick up my shoes. And everyone gave me old woman jokes asking if I want a wheelchair and started laughing. Har har har. Thanks guys. I'm in so much pain and I'm glad you're able to get a kick out of my pain. And the only person who can fix my back got married yesterday. So for now, I have to live with the pain. Guess it's time to go to the doctor again for a stupid injury. Remember my tennis injury? Yea I seem to get injured in rediculously crazy ways.

Trendy Virus

So I'm not feeling very well at the moment. And it's totally bad timing. I hate how I somehow got sick right when the swine flu is going around. When I tell people I'm not feeling well, they automatically think it's the swine flu. It's irritating the hell out of me. Just because I'm sick doesn't automatically mean it's the swine flu. Have some sense people. I don't have the symptoms. I just have a sore throat and runny nose. I don't have a high fever or aching body. It might not even be a cold. I think I have allergies since I got a sore throat all of a sudden last night. Just make sure you know your information before you go and start accusing sick people they have swine flu. It's not funny ostracizing someone for having a cold.

Conspicuously Flirting

Jill sent me a text today saying her friend Keoni is now single! I told her awhile back that I thought he was cute based on his picture on his facebook. But she told me he was on and off with his girlfriend. And I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship since I just got out of one. I just thought he was cute. I finally met him on Saturday for my friend's birthday and we instantly started a conversation about tennis since he and Jill play tennis once in awhile. I told Jill that we were talking at Risque for a little bit, but I was more focused on hanging out with Steve. And she said that she wished she went to Risque to watch me flirt with Keoni because she finds it amusing how I'm so obvious when I flirt. She told me that she and Ann had fun watching me obviously flirt with Steve the weekend before. I should work on being inconspicuous with my flirting ways. But what sometimes gets me is when I'm not flirting, I come off as being a flirt. It's just the way I talk to people. I get into the conversation sometimes that I tend to touch the person whom I'm talking to. But there was no flirting with Keoni that night. Just making conversation with him and I found him a really nice and funny guy. So who knows what will happen.

Homebound

So I've decided to just take a break on buying a house. I figured I'm not financially ready to buy a house because I'm not ready to give up traveling yet. Even though I haven't really traveled a lot, I like having that option that I can afford to go anywhere. Plus, my mom just asked to borrow some money so I definitely can't buy a house. I can't complain anyways. I get to do anything I want here and I get to come home to a home cooked meal. All I have to do is do the dishes and it's all good.

Lucky at Being Unlucky

After a long night of partying and meeting a really cute guy, I was on an exhaustion high when I was rudely woken up by my mother. She wanted to go shopping for an outfit for my cousin's wedding so I got ready so we can go to the mall when it first opens. So my mom and I drive down Sahara and the next thing we hear is some loud rumblings. I thought it was the guy's car right next to me. But it turned out to be me! I got a flat tire...AGAIN! I just had a flat tire in September. What are the odds?!
So my dad came and changed my tire and we switched cars so I could still go to the mall. I was so depressed that I have to buy a new tire that I went overboard at the mall. I came home with 3 pairs of shoes, 3 dresses, a pair of jeans, and 2 tops. Wow. I went all out today with the shopping. Retail therapy is great until you see the effects a month later. But I rarely splurge so I'm not having any buyer's remorse. Good news though. I don't need to buy a new tire yet. My dad was able to use the old tire from the last time I had a flat.

Bump on the Head

So I'm not sure if I should be alarmed or not, but I've had this massive headache since Monday and I even found a bump on my head. Although, I'm not sure if I've had this bump already or not. And if I didn't have this bump, I don't know how I got it. I don't remember hitting my head. So that's why I'm not sure if I should be frightened or not. I was asking Aprille if I should see a doctor about it since she's a nurse and she asked her boyfriend Rod since he's a doctor. They were supposed to call me last night, but by the time she texted me, I was already sleeping.

I've been sleeping butt early lately. I fell asleep around 9:45pm last night. I wanted to sleep at 9pm, but I forced myself to stay up for 45 minutes and that was a huge struggle. Towards the end, I was pretty much asleep but I woke up at 9:45 just to turn off the tv. I wonder if this headache is from my lack of food intake. Since I've been stressed and depressed lately, I haven't been eating lately. The week I was stressed out about Jason and realized he was going to break up with me, I barely ate. A lot of people will eat when they're stressed, not me. I get nauseous and have no appetite. It was so bad that last weekend, I was down to 95 pounds. Gross huh? Well I've gained a little bit of weight back, but I'm still under 100 pounds. I ate so much on Saturday that I think I gained 5 pounds that day. Not too sure if I like being under 100 pounds. I like how my stomach and arms are skinnier but I don't appreciate my boobs shrinking with the rest of them. So now that I'm back to eating like a normal person, I'm trying to work out to balance it out. But it's hard to work out when you have this headache pounding your head with every little movement you make. I can't wait til I'm back to my normal self. I hate being like this and I'm trying to get over it, but I guess everyone is right. I just need to take it slow.

I'm Not the Same...Yet

I really don't understand how Jason could have this much affect on me. I've been so down lately since the breakup that everyone are noticing that I'm not the bubbly upbeat person anymore. Not everyone at work knows what happened so they'll come up to me and ask me to smile or if I'm ok. Which makes it worst for me cuz I have to put on a smile and say 'yea everything is fine.' I'm trying to be the same person I was before I met Jason and while I was with him, but I can't. I just woke up this morning angry because I had a dream about him where it was like the night we had dinner and he was a total douche bag towards me. I thought I've moved on but I guess I got hurt more than I realized. I have the best friends who will keep me company and ask me how I'm doing and try to cheer me up. I'm greatful for them. Well, it has only been a week since we've broken up so I guess I'm asking too much of myself to get over him already. People keep telling me it takes about half the time we were together to get over someone. So am I supposed to feel crappy for a month and a half? I hate this transition.

It's a No Go

So I decided to cancel my offer for the house. Jill told me the day I was going to sign the papers she couldn't be my roommate anymore. She talked to her mom and her mom begged her to stay at home. Her mom is going through empty nest syndrome and I don't blame her. But sometimes it's best to just let go. I know my parents were getting sad when I said I wanted to move out, but they were really supportive. I still could have moved out, but I didn't feel like living for my house. Living by myself meant I wouldn't be keeping my lifestyle. No more taking vacations whenever I want to. No more splurging on myself whenever I feel like it. I felt so bad too for having to cancel the offer because Amy had came in the office early to fill out my paperwork. She was so nice and patient with me that I felt so bad telling her 2 hours before meeting her I couldn't take the house. This house was perfect for me. It wasn't my first choice but my first choice was made for me with my future family. My first house with my family, I'll definitely have a casita. But this house, it was perfect for a single young woman. It was 1600 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 den. It had upgraded flooring to tiles and had surround sound speakers built in. Oh well. It's a sign that I just still need to save up. I still need some traveling to do and meet the one. Maybe he'll buy me my first house. Just being hopeful.

Moving on Up

The past few days I've been looking at houses again. At first I was hesitant to look since the main reason I even considered buying a house was so I can move out and have Jason and I be together alone. But since we broke up on Friday, I thought maybe I could just live at home for awhile. But when I started looking, I realized that maybe it is time I move out. I'm almost 25 and I should learn to grow up now. Learn how to balance my expenses, cook, clean, and such. Hell, if it doesn't work out, I can always move back home and just rent out the place. But looking at houses did take my mind off of the loss of my relationship. When I get home though, I think about him and I'd still go on his facebook to see if he changed his status. As of right now, he still hasn't. Which I'm sure he won't for awhile since he's busy with his two jobs and trying to fit in working out. I don't know why I care so much. I'm sure he doesn't think about me. I bet he's relieved he got rid of me so he has more time to be with his friends and do nothing. I need someone who is emotional mature and is going to be with me for the long haul. For now, it is singlehood again. It sucks but I have no choice. Maybe I should take up on Jill's mom's offer of this cute accountant. But I hate getting set up, but you never know.

The Break Up

Thursday night, Angela and Jill both three wayed me and I knew instantly something was up. Apparently my suspicions were correct. Jason told Matt that he was going to break up with me this weekend and Kelly overheard him and told Angela who then told Jill and me. I was told that Jason doesn't want to be serious with me. Which got me confused because he was the one who chased me for 2 weeks and asked me to be his girlfriend right away. I was the one who asked him to slow down because I felt like we were moving too fast. And I was also told that the only reason why he asked me to be his girlfriend right away was so I wouldn't sleep with anyone else. How selfish and immature is that? He wasted my time and played with my emotions. He told me he was a relationship guy and doesn't like to date around. He should just stick to dating casually then. I was so angry and heartbroken when I heard this that after I got off the phone with them, I texted Kelly for more answers. And she told me that he is really selfish and immature and she hates him. She is glad that I won't be dating him anymore.

So Friday comes along, and the plan was to go clubbing at Jet and break it off with Jason right after. Jill and I rode together since I asked if I could spend the night at her house. I thought that I would be too devastated to drive all the way home by myself. So her whole goal was to get me good and drunk that night. But I decided that it would be best for me not to so I won't get too emotional. I had a good time hanging out with everyone. The only reason why I agreed to come out was because Tiff was in town from Hawaii. We decided to go to Ellis Island after clubbing to hang out for a bit and while I was there, Jason keeps texting and calling me. Asking how was the club and that he was going home already. As he texted me, I was asking Kelly what's going on at home. She was telling me when he got home and what he was doing. I decided to not answer him and let him wait. He left me hanging all week by not talking to me, so why talk to him right?

Around 2:30 am, we decided to just get it done with. Jill and Tiff dropped me off and waited outside. I told them I'll only take ten minutes. So I grab my bag with me so he thinks I don't know we're breaking up. I called him to let me in and he said he kept calling me. And I said, yea I know. I was busy talking to my friends. I get in the house and quickly say hi to Matt and Kelly and tell him let's go upstairs.

As we sat in his room, I say we need to talk and he said that I read his mind. Then a few seconds of silence. Then he asked where do I see this relationship going? And I said, well I thought it was going to be for awhile, but I realized that we wouldn't work. He said that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but realized that he wasn't. I told him that I didn't really appreciate him wasting my time and how he treated me this whole week. He was acting really immature and was really rude towards me. He appologized for acting that way and for hurting me. And I accused him of still being in love with his ex girlfriend because he would always talk about her and he confirmed he still has feelings for her but they aren't the type where he would go back to his ex. I told him I realized we wouldn't be able to work because he doesn't know what he really wants in life. I need someone who knows what he wants to do with his life. Someone who I believe will be my future. And he agreed that this is his fault and that I didn't do anything wrong and I agreed I didn't do anything wrong. I told him he needs to get his shit together if he ever wants to be in another relationship. Then he said that asking him to pick me up was so unreasonable because I was so far away. And I told him that when we were dating, he was willing to pick me up. And he said he only did that to show that he really liked me. And then he said that just because we got together doesn't mean he liked me less and then he brought up the money issue. I told him I was willing to come over to his house and I too have bills to pay. I just felt like he was making too many excuses and while we were talking Jill beeped her horn and I immediately texted her almost done. I wrapped it up by grabbing my stuff and giving his stuff too. We hugged goodbye and he said that hopefully when I'm not too angry with him we can still be friends. I told him maybe. Right now, I still miss him at times and I'm still a little angry at him. I am kinda annoyed that he wanted me to come over so he can break up with me. That's fucked up for him to make me drive all the way to his house just to break up with me. But he did treat me well until this past week. Kelly tainted his memory with all the shit he does at home, but in my heart and in my mind, he was a good boyfriend. I just met him at the wrong time. But I'm not sure if I'll be friends with him later. I tend not to keep in touch with ex boyfriends.

3 Month Curse

Wow. What a difference a week can make. Looks like I am single once again. It seems like I can't seem to get past 3 months in a relationship. I blame it on Shawn since he is 2 for 2. The last two boyfriends seem to end within a week or two right after he meets them on his birthday. I will not bring a boyfriend to his birthday next year.

It seems like my relationship with Jason changed so drastically that everyone thought I was pulling an April fools on them when I confided in them my relationship was on the rocks. Mainly because just two weeks ago, we were really affectionate towards each other at Shawn's birthday.

Last Friday, we went out to dinner with a few friends of mine and then we watched a movie at his place after. I made a mistake of telling him that I was falling for him. I didn't mean that I am necessarily in love with him. I just felt like I'm developing stronger feelings for him than I had when we initially started dating. This triggered his unusual behavior towards me.

He was supposed to come over on Sunday since I didn't come over Saturday. When I texted him after work, he said he was at his friend's house moving stuff around and won't be done til later. He will come over after if it's not too late. He texted me at the end of the day saying he's done but since it's late, we'll catch a movie on Monday after work.

So Monday comes, and I text him good morning. He mentioned it's his friend's birthday dinner and asked if I want to come. I said sure and asked for the details which he said he'd give me later. We stopped talking since I was at work. I texted him after work asking for details but no reply. So I called him around 7 and then texted him because I know dinner is at 8 but I don't know where. He texted me a half an hour later the directions and said to be there by 8. I asked him if he could pick me up and he said he couldn't, and he said, "you don't have to go, I'm just letting you know about it." That text caught me off guard. It was so rude. I was waiting in the parking lot for 45 minutes because he was late and he was acting like a jerk to me throughout dinner. I said my goodbyes to everyone and to him and told him to call me tomorrow. He jokingly said no, but he didn't call me. Our only conversation on Tuesday was me initiating the good night text.

We didn't communicate for two days. Then Thursday comes and I texted him good morning. I needed to know if I'm sleeping at his house on Friday. So I asked if he still wants me to sleep over and he said sure. So I'm excited that everything is ok with him. He was just busy. Well I was wrong. Since this is a really long story, I'll "break up" the entries. No pun intended. ;)

Douche Alert

The plan was to all meet at Jae's party then go straight to Jason's house right after. We were going to have a good time at Jae's. Ann got there about 5 minutes before me. The moment I got to the party I search the room for Jae. I gave him a hug and at the corner of my eye a hand comes near me to get a high five. I reached up to give this mysterious hand a high five when I realized who's hand it was.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"Of all the things, you ask what the fuck you doing here?"

I race towards Ann and ask if she had any idea that Sinn was coming. She didn't. I automatically tell Jill that Sinn is at the party and we won't be seeing her anymore. Now that Jill and Sinn aren't together anymore, I can clearly see what a douche bag he truely is. Ann, Veronica, and I felt so awkward at the party with him there that we left a half an hour later. The three of us decided to grab something to eat at Chinatown with our boyfriends. It's funny that all six of us drove our own cars. And it made me smile to see Jason getting alone with them. He and Jay especially were able to hold a conversation, even if it was about cars.

On the Hunt

Last Friday, I took a personal day from work so I could just relax right after my doctor's appointment. Depending on the outcome of the results, I thought I wouldn't be up to going to work if the results were negative. Turns out, I didn't have a cyst in my ovaries after all! My mom knew I've been contemplating about buying a house so after my spa appointment, we went house hunting. And boy was it tiring! I did find a couple of potentials, but nothing grand where I was willing to make an offer right then and there. Some houses were great, but had some drawbacks. I want to find a house that's perfect. And I am willing to take as long as possible to find the perfect house because this is a huge investment. It always takes me forever to buy anything. It took me about 6 months to buy my first digital camera but when that broke, it only took me about 2 weeks to buy my second one because I wanted it before Halloween.

After the second day of house hunting, my aunt/realtor asked me if I liked any of the houses and would like to make an offer. I told her I'd think about it. It was moving way too fast for me. I was only on the second day of looking and my cousin/loan officer was having me bring documents and signing papers. I felt so overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I just shut down and loose interest. I do want to buy a house for investment purposes but it's also such a huge decision. I need to take into account how my family will be once I stop supporting them financially. Granted, I don't support them on a monthly basis, but when my parents are short on cash, I won't be there to help them out anymore once I'm on my own. It'll be nice to have a house by the end of the summer. So we'll see how this pans out.

No More Being MIA

I've been MIA from all the get togethers for awhile now. Mainly because I'd rather be with Jason than see people I've known for awhile now. That's what happens in a new relationship anyways. I told myself I wouldn't do that, but it happened so fast that I didn't realize I've been MIA until Eddie told me I was. This weekend, I decided to cancel my movie night with Jason on Friday to go to Lavo with the homies. I felt really sad that I had to tell him I wasn't coming over. And Jill told me to stop being a baby since I'll be seeing him on Saturday and Sunday anyways. The night started out around 10pm at the Palazzo's parking lot. Try finding your friends when you all have T-Mobile and no one has reception. Yea, it sucked. When we were finished playing hide and seek, we get into Lavo with it being open bar for all vodka drinks. By the time it was 1 am, some of us were ready to call it a night. You know you're old when you want to call it a night at 1 am. I wanted to go to Jason's but he was at a pool hall with his friends. He asked me to come over, but I was exhausted and was a little buzzed. I didn't want to think on how to get there. And he texted me when he got home and I think I was drunk because I don't remember texting him until I saw them the next morning. I shouldn't text when I'm drunk and sleeping. So instead of going all out, I should ease into getting back into the night life.

Period Inducing Panties

So this whole month, Jason and I have been walking on egg shells. We weren't sure if we made a mistake or not. We had a talk about what would happen if I was pregnant. He said he's not ready to be a father, and I'm not ready to be a mother. But if I did get pregnant, it'll be hard for me to actually get an abortion. So, I've been waiting for my period to start and when it didn't, I got really nervous. If I was pregnant, I know Jason will be really angry because he asked me to take the morning after pill and I refused. I was supposed to get my period yesterday and I got a little nervous when it didn't come since I'm usually regular and on time. The past 3 months, I saw a pattern when I got my period. It's usually when I'm wearing these pink and white stripped underwear from Victoria's Secret. So this morning, I figured, I might as well give it a try. So after showering, I put on the pink and white underwear, and pray that I get my period today. Right before my lunch, I noticed some spotting and I got really excited. I've never gotten really excited to get my period before. So that's 'Victoria's Secret' to their pink and white underwear, they induce periods. You haven't failed me yet.

Stranded

Last night, I spent the night at Jason's house. What was supposed to be a wonderful night, turned into an interesting night. We were going to celebrate that he finally got a job. And Jason had sold his car seats so he needed to send them to Utah via the Grayhound by 10pm. If you're from Vegas, you'll know that downtown is pretty ghetto and we only had an hour to get there. We made it just in time, which made us happy because we can get home early and hang out before bed.

We got into the car, turn the key, and nothing. A few pumps of the clutch, a turn of the key, and nothing. His car wont start! Oh no! We didn't have jumper cables and someone was getting arrested down the street. Great. At least if something happens to us, we don't have to wait for the cops. He made a few calls. While I call the 'ex hubby' Daniel. He kind of complained a bit, but eventually agreed to come give us a jump. Jason's friends were on their way so I called Daniel back and told him he doesn't have to come anymore. When Mike and Adam came to the rescue, we found out the battery was fine. It appeared the starter was not working and they had to pop the clutch in order for it to start up again. I hop into the other car with Stasia, and we watch the guys push the car. We follow them to a parking lot a few feet away, where the parking attendent was being a dick. He said if we didn't move the car, he's going to call the cops on us. Has he no compassion that we're broken down?? Nope! So Stasia and I drove around in Adam's car while the guys figure out what to do. Apparently, when we left, they were able to beat the green light and run the car across the street and Jason was able to get the car started. We said our goodbyes, and head home because we're exhausted. What was supposed to be a quick errand turned into a 2 hour adventure. We got to the gate and when he tried to enter the gate key, he left the car in gear and it stalled. Great! Good thing the roommates were home. They were able to pop the clutch again and we all walked home.

What an exhausting night! But the good news is Jason and I are getting better at sleeping together. I was able to sleep more this time around. He did wake up a few times, which woke me up. What was cute was when he woke up, he'd cuddle with me and give me a kiss. During this whole ordeal, Jason didn't once show how pissed off he was. He was a little annoyed, but he just laughed it off from time to time. That made me more attracted to him. While some guys would probably get really angry, he just took it in strides and went with the flow. He's such a great guy.

Clingy

Lately I've been showing signs of a clingy girlfriend and I hate it. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been wanting to be with Jason all the time. I tried avoiding this by not getting too close to him too fast, but when I like someone, I fall fast and hard. I hate that feeling because it usually ends with me getting hurt. And nobody wants to get hurt right? And I need to also stop acting like a brat when I don't get my way.
Last Tuesday, I asked him to come to the movies with me because I missed him a lot. He was going to be on my side of town anyways. And he said he couldn't, cuz since he missed lunch with his dad, he had to see his dad on Wednesday. But I kept bugging him and he said he'll try. Wednesday, he didn't say yes or no to me, so after work I called him and said don't even bother coming to the movies with me. My friend will just go with me instead. My friend is a guy. He sounded a little disappointed and I told him to call me after the gym since he was with his friend getting his car. He called me 20 minutes later after he got his car to tell me he misses me and was being all lovey dovey. It made me feel better that he admited he missed me but I also felt bad for going to the movies with another guy. The whole time I was in the movies, I kept thinking of him.
Last night I asked if he wanted to go to a lounge with me for my friend's birthday and he said no. I kept bugging him to come because my friends want to meet him. So today, I texted him saying I was sorry for trying to pressure him into going to the lounge with me especially since he got mad at his friend for doing the same thing when he's tight on money. He said he's not mad but I think he was a little annoyed that I keep trying to get him to do stuff when he's really broke. But then he invited me to his friend's birthday party which I felt like I invited myself to. But he reassured me he wants me to come. I need to start going out with friends so I won't suffocate Jason. Cuz I feel like I am and I really am not like this. lol.

Stressed!

Why is it that when your boss is in the office, everything runs smoothly, and the first day he goes on vacation, EVERYTHING goes wrong? Sucks being the engineer, because everyone turns to you thinking you know everything. My game is 3 days late and I am STRESSED! And when I'm stressed out, I cannot eat or sleep and I become emotional. I was talking to a friend of mine through gmail and I started tearing up. Good thing he couldn't see me falling apart. I did some yoga yesterday and it helped relieve the stress I've been feeling. And it sucks that when I stress over one thing, I start to reevaluate other things not working in my life and stress over that too. I started contemplating about my relationship with Jason and that got me stressed. Him not having a job is worrying me which it shouldn't, but I care about him and I worry about him making it through the month. I felt relieved when my boss emailed me this morning saying that it's okay to release the game as is and we'll figure out how to fix it on the next pass. I feel bad emailing him during his much needed vacation but this game is really important. It's the first of its kind and everyone is waiting for it. Lots of burden on my shoulders huh? I need a drink. So much for giving up alcohol for Lent. Although I haven't really drank that much since Jason and I started dating. So for now, I'm not giving up anything for Lent.

It's in the Cards

So Valentine's day has come and gone. Jason and I just ended up having dinner and then walked around at Bellagio to take some pictures. Deep down inside, I wish he made a big deal out of Valentine's day but I'm also glad he didn't because he just can't afford anything right now. The current condition of the economy is greatly affecting him. He is down to working just 4 hours a week! I'm trying to be an understanding girlfriend by trying not to get him to spend money when we are together. After taking pictures on the strip, we end up at his house to exchange gifts. I told him to open his card first and he took one look at the envelope and said we gave each other the same card. I didn't think so at first cuz there are many "RED" envelopes at Hallmark. But when he opened it, he said we did give each other the same card. What are the odds? Guess we both think alike. I got him a book that he's been wanting for awhile and he absolutely loved it. Just seeing his face light up made my night. It was an eventful evening and I'm glad I was able to celebrate it with Jason.

No Need to Wish Anymore

So I couldn't wait til Valentine's Day to seal the deal with Jason. Since he and I have been dating, a lot of my friends have been asking when we're going to sleep together and I've been putting it off mainly because I don't want him to think I'm too easy. On Friday, after hanging out with the girls, I went to Jason's house with the purpose of just sleeping over. By the time I got to his house, I was irritated with him because he gave me wrong directions so I just wanted to go to sleep since it was late already. By the time we were in bed, all my irritation towards him went away. Jason and I ended up fooling around for a couple of hours before sleeping. Well he went to bed and I just laid there because I always have a hard time sleeping when I'm not in my own bed. Jason was able to sleep for an hour and he wanted to fool around again. That's when I finally gave in to his request. We did the deed really quick. He didn't mean for it to be that fast, but I guess fooling around for hours on end made him too excited. Exhaustion kicked in but I couldn't sleep. He had work the next day so I told him I should leave. He didn't want me to, but I insisted because I wanted to sleep and I couldn't sleep in his house. On the way home, I saw the most amazing thing. I saw a shooting star for the very first time. It made me wonder if it's a sign that maybe things are looking up for me. Maybe I did make the right choice with Jason. All I know is that I'm really happy and that's all that matters. The shooting star just made it more special and I didn't even have to wish for it.

Bay Area Adventures Part 2

Our first night we decided to do what we do best. Party! While getting ready, Julia confessed she's never thrown up from drinking before, which shocked us. So Aprille and I decided to make that our goal. To get her wasted. To kill time, instead of realizing we didn't eat dinner yet, we started taking shots of soju in Chris' apartment which tasted like water. After a couple of shots, off we went to the club. Their drinks were cheap and strong! After one cocktail, Julia said she was feeling buzzed and Aprille and I were shocked cuz we weren't feeling anything. We decided to go to the bar so Julia could order some food while we ordered more shots. My friend Naz decided to join us which was an awkward situation. See, Chris and I used to flirt all the time online and I flirted with Naz when I met him through Aprille's boytoy. So we kept buying Julia shots but she kept refusing them, so Aprille and I had to drink them. A few drinks later, we were all dancing and I didn't know who to dance with. Next thing I knew, we're leaving the club and Aprille and I were play fighting in the streets while Julia and Chris were waiting for us near the car. Aprille and I pass out on top of each other in the back seat of the car and next thing I knew is that we're at Chris's apartment. The rest of the night was a blur because I was a bit drunk but we were all able to get ready for bed in a breeze. I remember Aprille and Julia yelling at Chris to not go in the living room cuz they'll just change there. Then the three of us crash on the futon.

The next morning we were all hungry and had a little headache. Good idea drinking the night before we're going snowboarding huh? Chris' friend Vince drove us to Lake Tahoe and thank goodness because it was raining and snowing and the visibility was pretty much none. The girls signed up for lessons while the guys did their own thing. It was a two our lesson where we didn't really learn anything. It was fun watching Julia go down the snow and going the opposite direction the instructor tells her to go. Then at the top of the mountain, when the instructor was trying to let go of her hands, she reached back trying to grab her hands again. We all fell a lot, but I fell the hardest by falling on my back and then hitting my head. I still have a headache. Snowboarding was pretty fun and we want to go and do it again. Maybe somewhere closer though.

Bay Area Adventures Part 1

On Thursday Shawn came over and got me all worried about my flight for San Francisco on Friday. The plan was this. I was to bring Aprille's luggage to the airport where she will meet me when she lands in Vegas at 9 am from Hawaii. We check in and go to our gate for our 10:45am flight. He kept telling me she wouldn't make it so I called her to verify that she wasn't landing in the international gate. She tried to reassure me that it'll be fine and she'll make it just as long as her flight doesn't get delayed.

Fast forward to Friday morning at 7am. Aprille calls me and said she is in Utah and her flight is delayed. The airlines told her they'll leave at 8:15 am Utah time (an hour ahead), so she told me she'll still be able to make it.

8:30am rolls around and she said she's still delayed and to check in her bag under me and she'll just pay me back.

9:00am, Aprille calls me and says that she doesn't know when she'll be leaving Utah. They keep delaying their flight because they can't find what's wrong with the plane. And I tell her that I just checked in and our flight is delayed as well. She tells me good! And to try to delay our flight. My response? How the hell do I do that?!

9:15am, Aprille calls and says their plane is leaving and she'll be in Vegas soon. And she'll be able to check in at the gate since she is already in the terminal. Her gate is actually about 5 gates down from us.

Julia and I were trying to patiently wait to see how long our 10:45am flight will be delayed. All we kept thinking of was Aprille and if she'll make it.

11:00am, Aprille calls me and says she just landed in Vegas and wants to know the status of our flight. I told her we're still waiting to see when we'll board, but to hurry up. We see her 10 minutes later and chat for about 5 minutes and we hear on the intercom that we can now board our plane.

How lucky can Aprille have gotten?! It was such a close call but in the end, we were all together and that's the only think that mattered because if she had missed her flight, Julia and I would be stuck at the airport waiting for her to come from the next flight.

Monica and Chandler Syndrome

It's always great when two friends who've known each other for awhile realize that they should become more than just friends. The only problem with that is their whole relationship is put in the spotlight for all their friends to witness. And sometimes their friends are placed in the middle of their relationship. Last week, my friend Daniel called me to see what I was doing. And we planned to meet up at Boulder Station for a drawing they were having. He told me he was having dinner with our friend Anna first then they'll meet up with us. A red flag started waving when he told me he was having dinner, just the two of them. I never knew that Daniel and Anna were good friends and hung out just the two of them. Then yesterday, on Facebook, Anna changed her status to 'in a relationship'. Now that was the biggest red flag. My friend Rambo IMed me on gtalk asking to have lunch and I immediately said yes so I can get some juicy gossip. He confirmed that they are together, and believes that they'll be good for each other. Then we talked about how we hope this will work out because then our friendships will never be the same since everyone is really good friends with each other. Then I got a little mad that Daniel never told me he was seeing Anna. Daniel and I have a unique relationship. We've called each other baby mama and baby daddy. We've had some type of connection and always told each other everything. So I was a bit hurt that I had to figure out on my own that he was in a relationship already. So when he texted me about shopping today, I asked him if he had something to tell me. He was acting stupid like he didn't know what I was talking about. When he called me, he finally told me that yes, he and Anna are together. So we talked about how it happened, and I told him I'm happy for him because I truely am happy. He's been wanting a girlfriend for awhile now and I think Anna will make him happy. Then he told me his concerns with dating Anna. How since they are both close with the same people, there will be no secrets with their friends about their relationship. And I told him that happens when friends date each other. But in the end, it's worth it because you are both happy. And I can tell he is finally happy. So now he can't say I'm cheating on him anymore, cuz he's cheating on me too.

Girl Problems

Let me just warn you, if you're a male, you might feel uncomfortable about the subject. The title says it all...girl problems. Anyways, back to the story. Since the month started, I've been counting the days, and I knew I'd have my monthly visit sometime soon. I'm usually a couple of days late from my cycle these past few months so I didn't think I'd get it today. Low and behold, I got my period a few minutes before I had to leave for the dentist. What's worst was I was wearing khakis and it seeped through my pants. I had an hour to get to the dentist. So I had to think quick on my feet. I called my mom to see if she could meet me at the dentist and bring me a pair of jeans. She didn't know which pair of jeans to bring me, so I just told her to bring me any pair. I don't care. Just as long as I can change into something without any obvious signs I'm on my period. She gave the phone to my dad to give him directions and he asked me why I needed jeans for the dentist. My response? "Don't worry about it! Can you please just take mom to the dentist with the jeans?" With five minutes to spare, my dad came alone to drop the bag of jeans. I get back into my car to change but when I look at the jeans my mom brought, my jaw dropped. She picked the two smallest pairs of jeans I own! I usually wear these jeans when I go out partying because they are really fitted. I have no idea what my mom was thinking giving me my size 0 and 1 jeans when I'm on my period. So I was in the driver's seat trying to squeeze into my jeans and thank God I was able to get into them. This was by far the worst day I've had this year, and it only began. $200 for the 3 fillings, $20 bucks worth of gas, and hoping my khakis aren't ruined are all in a days work.

Meet the Friends

I'm so nervous for Jason. Friday is the day he will meet all my friends. He's met a couple of the important ones already but now he's going to meet everyone at the same time. My friend Shawn has an obsession with an old guy I used to date, so now every guy I date he compares them to the old guy. I told Shawn he is hard to impress. Every guy I bring has to make a good impression on him. Forget trying to impress my dad, they have to impress Shawn to be good enough for me. So I hope they all get along because I can see Jason and I will be together for a little while. Well at least longer than Eric. I hop.

Joint Custody

My weekends have always been pretty hectic. I'm always booked way before the weekend even starts. And this was when I was single. Add in a boyfriend and now I have to try to and squeeze in as much time with different people in so little time because everyone knows I never go out during the week. For the 4 days I'm off for New Years, I already had a schedule of who I was going to hang out with ahead of time. Then Aprille texts me New Years day which was Thursday and her day.

Ape: Hey, can we just hang out on Friday night instead of tonight? These [Guam] people are being party poopers.
me: I can't hang out Friday, I'm seeing Jason.
Ape: Can you see him tonight instead and see me Friday?
me: Let me ask if he is cool with switching days with you.

[Goes and asks Jason if he's ok with switching days with Aprille]

me: Ape, so Jason is ok with it. He has custody of me tonight, and you have custody of me Friday and Saturday.

I'm glad Jason is so understanding. I told him that I don't want to disappear on my friends just because I have a boyfriend like I did in the past. To prevent me from disappearing, I've given Jason my rest days [Fridays] so I can hang out with him since Saturdays is when I see my friends. Sundays will always be for my family.

Starting the Year with a Scare

This new years was the first time I didn't spend the count down with my family. I was with Jason for the count down, but prior to the count down I got a phone call from my mom. She was frantically asking me where I was at. She was at Boulder Station casino gambling for our traditional money throw for the kids. When all of a sudden people started running and yelling "bomb!" A guy claimed that he was wearing a bomb vest and was threatening to detonate it. My mom quickly went outside and was trying to find all the kids. My aunt had left my little cousins at Kids Quest which is a babysitting center in the casino. Since they weren't prepared for situations like this, they had all the kids outside without any shoes and jackets. With everyone running around her, my mom was trying to stay calm and get the kids so they can leave. It's a good thing the man didn't have a bomb on him and I hope he gets maximum punishment.

Status Change

So as of December 26th, I'm not single anymore. Jason asked me to be his girlfriend and even though I feel like we're moving extremely fast, I told him yes. Mainly because I didn't want to say no. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it does to me. We've only been dating for 2 and a half weeks and he told me that when we're together, he feels like we fit. It was so sweet. I told him that I'll be his girlfriend but we need to slow down. I'm not used to having a boyfriend and he's one of those really attentive boyfriends. He always wants to see me and he calls/texts me all the time. I told him he needs to be less attentive because I'm not used to that. I'll get scared and be turned off. A lot of my friends didn't even know about him since we've only been dating a couple of weeks. So when I told Aprille and Jill, they both had the shocked reaction I was expecting. But they're both happy for me. He did passed the test. He was willing to drive to my house and pick me up. All the guys I've dated hated driving and would refuse to pick me up. He was willing to drive 2 hours in the snow to pick me up. And the other test was some my friends approve of him. Both Lisa and Aprille are still a little iffy. They noticed last night that he was really touchy feely with me. He kept putting his arm around me and he kept kissing my cheek. They both said that PDA was not me and I agree. So if all goes well and he does listen to a few of my demands, then we'll be okay. Damn I'm such a demanding girlfriend. It's no wonder I'm always single.

And last night was so awkward for both Aprille and me because Joe and Paul were with us while we're with our boyfriends. Joe is into me while Paul is into Aprille. So while we're all hanging out with them, Joe was texting me and Paul was texting Aprille. It's funny that even though we're with our boyfriends, these guys will still flirt with us.

Wet Christmas

I wanted a white Christmas and instead I got a wet Christmas. I love the rain but I wish it didn't come with wind. I hate the wind. So last night we celebrated Christmas at my aunt's house. This year, the older cousins decided to do secret santa so the aunts and uncles didn't have to buy presents for everyone. It took forever to distribute the presents. We didn't finish til 2am and by the time we got home, I was exhausted. It's weird coming home that late and it wasn't from partying at the clubs. It was fun watching the younger kids entertain us with their singing and dancing. It used to be a tradition where the cousins and I would do the same thing. We'd do a Christmas performance in front of the aunts and uncles then we'd open presents. It's nice to see the tradition being passed down to the younger generations. The highlight of the performance was my little cousin Zachary singing Chris Brown's 'With You'. He was really into it and I think he'll be the next PJ. I got mainly money from my Godparents but I also got a few good presents from my friends. This year has been a crazy year and I guess I'm ready for 2009. Mainly turning 25 in 09. That part I'm still bracing myself for.

Let It Snow

On Wednesday, Las Vegas had a snow storm. And it's not one of those where we just get snow in some parts of Vegas, it was one where everyone got snow. And it snowed a lot. My friend Angela's flight got canceled because they closed the airport. No one was leaving or coming in. I told her Vegas was preparing her for Michigan weather. I was so excited about the snow that I kept going outside during work to play in it. Eventually my boss sent us home early because he wanted us to get home safe. It took me almost 2 hours to get home where it usually takes me 45 minutes. It was bumper to bumper traffic so I had to go 10 mph the whole way home. Playing in the snow was amazing. I've never seen so much snow in Vegas. The weather people said the last time it snowed like that in Vegas was 30 years ago. And who would have thought that the kids would have a snow day and didn't have to go to school in Vegas.
This was also the day when Jason and I had our first date. He drove 2 hours to my house in the snow and rain to pick me up. I told him we should cancel it since it's snowing and it's dangerous to be driving in such conditions but he refused and came anyways. He was even willing to take me back to his place so we can watch a movie with our friends but I convinced him to just watch a movie in the theaters on my side of town since it'll take forever to get to his side of town. So yea, I'm seeing someone right now and we'll see where this goes.

You Probably Didn't Know

A lot of my friends have been doing a list of things we probably didn't know about them on Facebook. It's fun learning more about my friends. I decided to write some of my own.

1. My first name is actually Monica Anne without the hyphen but on my drivers license and credit cards, its hyphenated. I'm not sure why Americans think two names should always be hyphenated or dropped. And I always say my name in a Filipino accent when I am talking to family or family friends.

2. When I was in junior high school, I shot a commercial for inner city games, which is similar to summer camp but the kids meet for a few hours every Saturday during the summer. I don't even know if it even aired on tv.

3. I can't drink cold water in the winter because it'll give me a sore throat.

4. My friend Laura and I have the exact same birth date. We were both born near LA and both around 8am. We have yet to celebrate our birthdays together.

5. I've self diagnosed myself to having ADD. I have an attention span of a 5 year old and I sometimes can't keep still for too long. Some coworkers have pointed out that I'll just stare off into space during meetings.

6. I used to have a mole on my chin but on one of my many visits to the doctors for being sick, the doctor saw it and thought the color is a little off and suggested i should get it removed. It wasn't cancerous, and I don't miss it.

7. I always grow my nails out to where its so long that I have a hard time taking off my contacts and then I'll cut them. I like having long nails cuz it makes my hands look bigger.

8. It takes me forever to tell a story because I'll tell you every detail even if it has nothing to do with the story. Or sometimes it'll take me forever to tell a story that I'll forget where I was going at and I get irritated when people tell me to hurry up. Just listen or tune me out Rei! hahahah.

9. I used to be able to run a mile in 6~7 min when I was in junior high. I think my best time was 5 min and something seconds. Now I can barely run half a mile in 6 min. It sucks being out of shape!

10. I used to hate getting my picture taken cuz I hated my smile but now I'm a camerawhore and always have to get my picture taken. But I still hate my smile.

11. I have a low tolerance for pain. One time, I had to get two permanent teeth pulled out because of overcrowding. While the dentist was giving me my first shot in my gums my mom had to hold me down because I smacked her arm to stop giving me a shot. It also took her about 5 shots for me to finally not feel anything. My mouth was numb for the rest of the day.

12. When trying to figure out my nationality, everyone guesses Chinese or white and some other Asian country but never Filipino. It's cuz I'm light skinned huh?

13. I used to believe I should have been born a lefty. I do everything with my left had. I even tried writing with my left hand when I was younger. I still want to be left handed.

14. My dad chose my major in college and I guess chose my career since they are related. I didn't want to work with computers. But I think if he didn't make me take computer science, I'd still be in college trying to find my way.

15. The first time I rode on a plane was when I was 21 years old and it was to Seattle to look for a job. A couple months later, I was on a plane to Chicago for a job interview. I was so scared to fly alone that I brought my dad with me.

16. My favorite holiday is Halloween because I like to dress up. I'm sure my future husband will love that about me.

Sports Injury

I will know tomorrow if there is really something wrong with my thumb. I hurt my thumb back in March playing tennis. I'm not a tennis player but I know that it's a bad idea to hit myself with a tennis racket. But for some reason when I swung the racket, my other hand decided to move towards the oncoming racket and smack right into it. It's been hurting since March, but now that work isn't too busy, I think it's a good time to get it checked out now. Hopefully nothing is really wrong with it and that a brace will suffice.

100+ miles and 8 hours of sleep in 3 days

How many of you can say you drove over 100 miles in 3 days, slept only 8 hours, and stayed in your city? I'm really disappointed as to how much I drove over the weekend because I'm supposed to be frugal with gas nowadays.

Friday: jmarck. Holiday Party at Rei's house. I looked on my odometer and it was 30 miles one way! After his house, went to Green Valley Ranch for a suite party. At least it was on the way home.

Saturday: Planet Hollywood to go clubbing with some people from the Bay area.

Sunday: Every Sunday drive to the aunt's house for lunch and Boulder Station casino to drop off my mom to gamble. Then after picking my mom up and dropping her home, off to dinner at Mandalay Bay with some friends. Then a bar at MGM to hang out with the Bay area friends.

So yes, it was a lot of driving and of course a lot of drinking and barely any sleep. Being sleep deprived at work on a Monday is not the best feeling ever. I hate not being able to sleep after a night of drinking. How is it that everyone else passes out after they drink and I can't? I don't drink red bull anymore. So now I'm going to get ready for bed and sleep right after Gossip Girl.

Not My Cup of Rich

Last night, my friend Daniel randomly called me and invited me to a suite party. I was already at my own party I threw with JMARCK at Rei's house but he sold me on the idea of going to the party with two words, rich men. Daniel hangs around a lot of guys who have really high paying careers. So of course I told him I'd go and I'll bring my fellow wannabe gold digger friend Aprille along for the ride. We're just wannabe gold diggers because we just say we want a rich husband but it really isn't a criterea for a husband. By the time we got to the suite, it's was already late and almost everyone had left because security broke up the party. Daniel introduced me to his good friend George who was the richest guy there and was the one who got the suite. George was already trashed and Aprille and I were starving ever since the holiday party at Rei's house started. After a few shots of jager, we decided to eat at Fatburger. The whole time we were eating, George kept talking about how much he paid for that room and how he's going to get someone fired for breaking up the party. He also kept mentioning how the night before, a bartender wouldn't give him a straw so he offered her 5 grand as a tip if she'd only give him a straw. The whole night, all I could think of was this guy was flaunting his money and it's so tasteless. I have a lot of rich friends and they NEVER talk about how they just throw money away like George kept talking about last night. Aprille and I went to the bathroom and we were both ready to go home because we were tired and bored of this rich guy. He may be the richest guy I've met based on his stories of how much he spends, but by the way he flaunts his money, the only woman he'll ever attract are gold diggers. And rich guys complain why they always attract gold diggers right? I want to meet a secret rich man where I don't know he's rich until the 3rd date.

Just Cause I'm Nice Doesn't Mean It's a Crush

My coworker at work is going through a divorce after 13 years of marriage. I feel really bad for the guy so the past couple of months, I've been talking to him to make sure he's ok. Once in awhile, I'll compliment him on how he's a good catch just to boost his ego. On Monday, we were talking about relationships and he told me that I was a good catch. How I'm smart and beautiful and he even told me that a few guys around the office do notice me for my wonderful qualities. Later on in the conversation, he said we should have lunch sometime and I said I was free on Friday. His response? "Ok! It's a date!" I tried to not be too obvious that I didn't want it to be a date by saying, "uhhh, we can invite the guys. I'm sure they'd like to join us." Then he says that it won't be a date anymore. How can I be completely oblivious?! I tend to flirt on accident because when I talk to people, I'll touch them once in awhile. I even do it to girls. And clearly I do not like girls. It's just my way of showing the person that I'm really listening to them. So now it's awkward whenever I see him because I don't feel the same way. I once told my other coworker that I would never date a coworker, but lately I've been noticing this other coworker of mines. He's pretty cute and I'd break my rule for him.

Peace Out

I like to live life without any regrets because once something is done, there is no way to change the past. But these past couple of months, I feel like maybe I did make a mistake and that history is repeating itself. You got what you wanted and in the end you are still an asshole just like before. I seem to never learn I guess. But it's okay because I don't need you in my life. I'm tired of trying and we don't need to be friends anymore. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If there ever is a time in the distant future that we start talking again, I'll keep you at arms length because there will not be a third time. Til then, peace out.

Just My Luck!

For the past month, I've been working 12+ hours everyday even on weekends, getting free dinner, and barely sleeping to prepare for my first G2E show as a game developer. And at the same time, I've been sick for 2 weeks. This cold lasted so long because I haven't had a chance to rest. Yes, I did take two days off when I first got sick but it wasn't enough. I started to feel better yesterday until the end of my shift and the beginning of my overtime shift. I got home around 9pm and rushed into bed because I couldn't get warm. I realized that I was running a fever and my whole body was aching. Just my luck! One day before G2E and I catch a fever. So today, I had to call in sick which today is probably the most I'm needed. I called my boss to see if my game loaded correctly last night but I felt awful for not being able to go to the show. I'm just glad my boss is very understanding especially since I've been working so much. My plans after G2E? Sleep, shop, and see people I havn't seen since I was too busy working.

Sleeping Through History

Yesterday was when America found out the next president will be Barack Obama. So where where you when history was in the making? Yea I was sleeping. I've been sick for the past two days and been sleeping my illness away. I don't even know how I got sick. I wasn't near anyone that was sick the past few weeks. The only thing that I think can cause this was the flu shot I got a few weeks ago. Regardless on how I got sick, this is just bad timing. I haven't been at work in two days and the show is in two weeks. I'm just thankful that I have a very understanding boss who is capable of filling my position when I cannot. I just hope I am well enough to function tomorrow because I can't miss 3 days in a row. I've been so bored here at home that all I've been doing is sleeping, watching tv, and eating soup. I hate being sick.

50 Dollar Chicken Wings and Pizza

For Julia's birthday weekend, she got a room at the Venetian so we can party at Tao without having to worry about driving home. Ever since the cruise, we've been missing that lifestyle of partying in the club and just walk downstairs into our room. We decided we were on 'vacation' and not worry about anything. We even came up with fake names and places we were from. We wanted to use ugly names so Julia's friend said she'll be Olga, without realizing that it was her friend Chris' mom's name. After eating at the Grand Lux, we pregamed in the room where we finally finished the coffee patron and the hennessy Aprille and I bought for my birthday. We got into Tao and kept drinking until 2am. Well technically it was 3am, but the clocks changed on us. We were starving but no place to eat so we decided to order room service. We were so desperate for food that we didn't care it cost 50 bucks for a medium pizza and 6 pieces of chicken wings. We tried to wake up Julia to get her to eat since she wanted chicken wings but she was too tired and said I could eat them. So we ate them, but left her 3. Next thing we know, she woke up and got mad for a brief second that we ate them. We ate almost all the food because it was 50 bucks. We never waste food when it's that expensive. Even though we spent so much this weekend, it was worth it. I can't complain since they spent about 500 bucks to go to my birthday. What's a hundred bucks for Julia's birthday right? Besides, with good friends, money doesn't matter. And this weekend was like the cruise, partied all weekend with barely any sleep. And unfortunately, we don't have a day off to recover, but it was worth it.

How Do I?

How do you comfort a friend who is doubting her marriage? How do you comfort a friend who thinks her husband is cheating on her? How do you comfort a friend who believes her husband will never change and is an awful father? Today Carrie and I caught up over donuts because she's moving in a few weeks to San Pedro with her husband. We were catching up on what was going on in our lives when she told me everything going on with her marriage. She confessed that her husband told her that while in Iraq he was contemplating a divorce. They aren't happy and they fight a lot. She told me he flirts a lot and that doesn't bother her but when she found picture text messages from random girls, that made her wake up. She wants to talk to him but whenever they do, they fight and he doesn't admit to his mistakes. All I could say was, I'm sorry and asked how long has this been going on. I feel bad because their marriage is on the rocks but I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I told her that hopefully it'll get better when they settle in California. I asked if she'd leave him if he is cheating on her and she said she doesn't know. Even though she doesn't want to think about it, I told her that she needs to have a back up plan just in case it ever leads to that. It's so hard to see someone who is such a good person go through hell and you can't do anything about it. Pray that everything goes well.

Just a Waste of My Time

Last weekend was our JMARCK. Academy party and at the end of the party, everyone knew I liked Leon. He's the first Asian guy I liked in a long time. Julia's whole goal of the night was to get me 'pizza' from Leon. So everyone got the hint that I liked him. The next day, Eddie asked if anything will happen with me and him and I said of course not. I tried to get his attention the whole night and it didn't go anywhere. Towards the end of the night, I was bored with him. He wasn't catching the bait I was using and I know why. He doens't like Asian bait. He's into white girls and that sucks. I feel like a black woman when the black man she likes only likes white women. What's wrong with us Asian women huh? Anyways, everyone keeps telling me you never know. He might go for me even if I'm Asian. Well all I gotta say is he lost his chance, and it's just a waste of time trying to convince him Asian women are just as beautiful as white women. And plus, he's two years younger than me. I need someone who's either almost finished with school, or is already finished. I don't need to babysit a guy. That's what marriage is for right?

San Diego Adventures

Going to San Diego was quite a journey. Hitching a ride with my dad to Cerritos for Jason's baptismal only to leave 4 hours later with Marvin whom I've only met the weekend before at Tao through Aprille. Marvin takes me to San Diego where he tries to scare me with a story of the haunted freeway. It's off the Sorrento Valley exit on the 805 South freeway. The story is that a long time ago, there was an accident on that exit involving a school bus where there were either a few fatalaties if not all. And they say that the exit is now haunted by the children who passed away that fateful day. The exit is on a downward slope and at the end of the exit is a stop light. They say if you stop your car at the light and put it on neutral, your car will be pulled up the slope all the way to the top. As we exit the freeway, Marvin stops his car and puts it on neutral and low and behold, we go up the ramp! I'm so glad that it was daytime because that would hella freak me out even more at night.
Finally getting to Lyn's house, the girls take a nap to get ready to go clubbing later that night. The night was short lived because of some drama among their friends so we end up at Russ' house to party some more. I guess we were so exhuasted and drunk. We get to his house and laid down on the living room floor to watch some tv and the next thing we know is that it's 7 in the morning and we have blankets on us.
Aprille and I left Sunday with barely any gas left in her tank. We couldn't find a Cheveron so she said she could make it from San Diego to Ontario with very little gas. She promised me we'll get gas there. She exited in Corona looking for a gas station because we were on EMPTY. We circle around a shopping center looking for a gas station and no luck. Luckily for us, we miss our freeway entrance and we found a gas station just in time. Beggers can't be choosers when we're on empty. We had to get gas at Shell. A lot more happened in my one day stay in San Diego but these were just the highlights.

Let Me Go

It's so hard to grow up with traditional Filipino parents because they will always believe their grown children are still children and still treat them like they are children. It's so hard for them to accept the fact that their children don't need to depend on them anymore. This year has been the first time I've gone out of town with friends without them and they kept calling me to see if I was okay. They don't realize that I can take care of myself. I'm financially independent and am capable of making my own decisions. It's really annoying when they are constantly calling and reminding me not to travel at night. Yes the sun goes down. No I cannot control it. And if I have to travel at night, I am capable of driving. They need to let me go before they push me away and they'll rarely see me.

Open Book

I've always been able to tell people everything about me, both good and bad. I've come to realize that maybe being an open book is not a good thing. It can backfire and work against me. At work, I've been honest about my life and what I do in my spare time. With friends, I've told a selected few everything about my life including personal secrets about the guys I've been with. I'm not one to keep minor secrets about people . I'll usually tell someone who's not in the circle and will never run into the person the secret is about.

My current secret. I slept with my best guy friend and we told each other we'd never tell anyone about us. We'd pretend we're having a secret love affair. The day after, Aprille asked me if I had sex and I automatically said yes. The only reason why I told her was because she has never met him and probably will never meet him. Ever since the cruise, I felt like we can talk about anything especially about sex. Then I asked if she had sex and she sadly said no since Rod was out of town. But she did tell me they did when I left his house two weekends ago. I said thanks for waiting for me to leave because I really don't want to hear them having sex, only because Aprille says she's pretty loud. LOL.

Never Say Never

I've done something that I've told myself I'd never do and I'm not ashamed of it either. Fatigue played a huge part of our early retire not feelings of uncomfortableness. The only thing that crossed my mind was what took so long and when will it happen again. And I know nothing will become of it because it's been over for quite awhile now. It's just happening for the present benefits and I'm okay with it this time around. Don't judge me for being a hypocrite. Thanks.

Adventures With Monica & Aprille

A night is never boring when Aprille and I are together. For one, neither one of us can say no to the other. Last night was no exception. We began our night pregaming in the parking lot of the Venetian and then concluding the pregaming inside the Venetian with Eddie and Aprille's friend Marvin. After a few shots of Coffee Patron and Hennessy, we continued our night at Tao. I haven't gone clubbing since January so I was pretty excited. We headed straight to the bar of course and ordered some vodka redbulls then ran around Tao looking for Lisa. A few vodka redbulls later, we were having a good time trying to loose our cockblockers Marvin and Eddie. Aprille had the hiccups so we left Tao where she refused to stop by the bathroom to let me pee. We got to her car and she opened the two doors on her side and told me to pee in the parking lot. I've never done that before in Vegas, only in California. We both got in her car and she tried to convince me we can both just drive home. I told her that we're staying in her car until we sober up because we're definitely both trashed. She parked her car next to my car and we passed out. Everything after this is a little blurry.

I was told that Mikey and I were communicating at this point and he found us because we kept honking our horn for like 20 minutes. We knocked out in Aprille's car with the engine running when they reached us and they got into Aprille's car. They woke us up and she's convinced she can drive again so she pulls out of the parking space and she tried to make a left turn towards the elevators where we yell to turn right so she made a sharp right turn and parks her car where we passed out again. The next thing I remember is they woke us up and I convinced them to take my car to my house where we both pass out on my bed. Two hours later, the tables are turned and Aprille is the one trying to wake me up to get me to take her home.

Last weekend, I was waking her up at Rod's house to take me home after a night of partying. We both try to find a few things around my room including her keys. Apparently she was able to put her key on the key chain and there was money all over my room. Not sure why her money was everywhere. All I know was, last night was an awesome time and we're both going to California this weekend and I can't wait. Stay tune for the next adventures with Monica and Aprille! And of course, we never drink and drive that is why we were sleeping in the car. I know when I can drive and I'm really good at reading people to know if they can't drive either. I'm thankful Mikey was there to insist on finding us to make sure we were okay. I just hate how I'm never sleeping on the weekends now. But I realized that my bed was pretty busy this weekend. ;)

Camera Miracle

It's a miracle! I fixed my camera using every guy's method. Forcing the lens to close by hitting it against my hand. Once the lens were closed, I pushed the power button not sure if I want it to turn on or not. If it turns on, then I'll have no excuse to buy another camera. If it doesn't turn on, then I'll mourn the loss of a great camera. What happened? It turns on. Don't get too excited. It's not the same camera as it was two weeks ago. It turns on with the lens a little zoomed in and I can't zoom out any farther than that. It turns on to a blurry lens until you zoom in and out to adjust the focus. I've decided I'm still going to buy a new camera. Use this old camera whenever I go out to events that involves alcohol and use the new one for other things. So no more mourning my camera. It has resurrected from the dead!

24 is Expensive

• New camera: $300
• Two new tires: $160
• Birthday trip: $500
• Being able to say I had a good time: priceless

I've only been 24 over a week and I've already experienced some bad luck and an overload in my budget. Aprille, Julia, and I all have the same problem. Parents financially taking advantage of us because we have a career. The 2 years I've been working, I've never really spent anything on myself. Yes, I buy myself clothes and such, but all my big expenses goes to my parents. I think the most I spent on myself at one time was $200. So we definitely indulged on the cruise. Unfortunately, while on the cruise, I broke my camera. I'm not angry at Julia for dropping it since I know it was an accident. And plus I wanted a new camera anyways. Bad luck number 1.

Then on Saturday, we had a one week reunion from our vacation and went to Blue Martini. We bought quite a few drinks and drank like we were in Mexcio. Julia kept telling everyone it was my birthday so everywhere I went people greeted me like we were in Mexico again. At the end of the night Aprille, Rod, and Phil were walking me to my car when we noticed I had a flat tire. Great! Bad luck number 2. So I spent the night at Rod's house only to wake up at 6am freaking out because I didn't want it to look like I spent the night at a guy's house with my whole family on my dad's side spending the night at my house. I didn't know what to do so I called Aprille's phone hoping she'd pick up. There was no way in hell was I going in their room. I do not want to walk in the middle of anything. I finally get a hold of her 30 minutes later and we slowly get going. Walking through the front door at 8am to my grandparents in the living room was pretty humiliating. I immediately say I got a flat tire and spent the night at Aprille's house and she just dropped me off. I said that my car was the only lucky one since it was the only thing that got nailed that night. We were all too drunk to get lucky. I found out on Monday that someone had slashed my tire instead of the nail flatening it. I immediately thought Linda did it but I have no proof. Yes she was there at Blue and yes she does hate me, but can she be that cruel? If it was her, then I hope Karma tortuously bitch slaps her.

People say bad things happen in threes just like death so I'm waiting for my 3rd bad luck. I'm just hoping it's not as expensive as the other two. From the pattern the cost of my bad luck is decreasing but the impact on me increases. Let's just hope that I'm done with the bad luck. I can't afford it. Maybe the universe is telling me to take another vacation. I really do deserve another one.

(H)O-LA!

Mexico was an awesome vacation and birthday in one. Even though it was only the three of us, I wouldn't change anything. Aprille and Julia are the greatest vacation buddies I could ever ask for. We all bonded with each other and realized how similar we all are. We were together the whole time from beginning to end. We shared our deepest secrets and made new secrets with each other. You would think there were more people in our room since we were so loud but it was just the three of us. All we talked about were the show Friends, food, alcohol, sex/penis looking objects, and pizza. There were so many phallic looking objects on that ship. It's like a porn convention. We were pretty popular for our vulgar behavior and being the ones from Vegas. And we were drinking the whole time since none of us had to drive anywhere. We just had to be able to get to the right room, unless someone said "pizza" then the other two would go upstairs and get some pizza while the other would get some "pizza". We all agreed that Mexico was OUR Las Vegas and promised to not divulge everything that happened on the trip. Let's just say that we took over 300 pictures and only about 100 can be posted online. Everyone keeps asking about the trip and all I can do is say, "I had a good time" with a big smile on my face. We made up a new dance and our theme song for the trip was Pretty Ricky's song On the Hotline. Driving home with an hour of sleep was crazy. And sleeping 13 hours to catch up on the lack of sleep felt great. We're already ready for the next trip, Cabo San Lucas. Til next time, Adios!

Overhearing Conversations

Me: Eye Candy lounge is alright. The only time I've been there, I was sober.

Aprille: You? Sober? Why?? Did you make another bet?

Me: Oh no. I couldn't drink cuz I was on medication.

Aprille: Medication?! That just sounds so wrong. If someone overheard our conversation, they'll wonder if you're crazy.

Me: Oh yeaaaa. Maybe I should say, I was taking my psychotic medication and see who starts walking faster cuz they were listening on our conversation.

Aprille: LOL. If they only knew.....

2 Weeks

Two more weeks to go til I'm off to Mexico. I have so many things to take care of and yet I'm procrastinating. I have to find some clothes to wear to the cruise. I have to buy some stuff to take with me. And I have to clean my room since the weekend I get back, my family will be staying at my house for the weekend. I enjoy having my family visit me but not when they stay at my house because they come in pacts of 15. So imagine about 20 people in one house with just two bathrooms. I have to stay in my parents' room and I have to lock up everything in my room. A few years ago, I found out my cousin was a kleptomaniac and likes to also destroy people's property. She cut a hole in my leather chair and she stole my diamond earrings. I couldn't prove it was her but who else would do it? My sister said she was the only one in my room while everyone was downstairs. So from now on, I carefully watch her. I remember when I was in California staying at her house, I saw that my contacts were ripped in half! At first I thought I accidentally ripped them the night before but whenever I rip my contacts they don't rip in half. So the next two weeks will be stressful but it will be all worth it. Relaxing on the cruise with some good friends.

Today Will Never Be the Same

Today has always been a unique day. Today is my aunt's and my two cousins' birthday. But it will never be the same anymore because today is PJ's birthday. He would have been 25 years old. I remember last year today I was in California with my cousin Christene celebrating her birthday with my cousins and we called PJ to greet him happy birthday. He has always been the light of the party in our family. But even though he's gone, he still makes us laugh. We talk about him all the time as if he's still with us. He was the greatest person I've ever met. Happy birthday PJ and I love you!

Kinda Bitter

Ever since my close friends turned down my birthday cruise, I've never felt more rejected in my life. I understand that they can't go because of money reasons but they didn't have to tell me they are going and then last minute tell me they can't afford it. I gave everyone 2 months to raise 300 dollars. I'd think that you would know by then if you can afford it or not. I was really excited that they were going to come along with me and then getting my hopes up makes me feel want to distant myself from them. This Saturday is Kathrina's late graduation party. I'm proud she finally graduated but I kinda feel bitter towards her for telling me she'd go on the cruise until the day before we were buying the tickets to tell me she can't afford it. It sounds childish to say that I won't go to her party since she isn't going to mine but that's what I feel like right now. I feel like I don't want to associate with my friends right now even though two of my friends are still going with me. It's all about the principle of sticking to your word and being responsible enough to just say no ahead of time. I graciously told her that I might not make it because I have some stuff to do this weekend which is true. It's PJ's and Christene's birthday tomorrow and Christene will be in town this weekend. And in honor of PJ's memory, I'd rather spend this time with my family.

One Month to Go

It's crazy to think that another year has past. Time does fly when you are older. And growing up is really hard to do. I've experienced so many things in a year, both good and bad. So this year I'll be turning the big TWO-FOUR. I'm tired of the same old way of celebrating my birthday. All we do is go clubbing for birthdays. So this year, I've decided to change it up a bit. I've decided not to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas. I'm going on a cruise to Mexico with a couple of friends. Through this trip, I've come to learn that some people are not as reliable as they seemed. I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a few close girlfriends. I trust these girls with my life. I gave everyone two months to decided if they can come or not. Everyone seemed very interested and excited which got me excited. Well it's a month before my birthday and everyone bailed out on me. Everyone except for two friends. One is a friend whom I only see on special occasions and the other is one I've met only once. I'm not complaining because they are awesome, but I wish that people would tell me straight up they couldn't afford it or they can't go because of work. It's hurtful getting me excited by telling me they'll go on the trip and bailing out last minute. But you know what, it'll be a blast. They will just miss out. Everyone is saying that their are sorry and are saying they'll make it up to me. Honestly, I don't want their pitty for not making it. And I'm not about to do another celebration when I get back so they can "make it up". I sometimes want to just not go to their birthdays just to show how hurtful I feel for them backing out last minute. But I'm never one to be that spiteful. So here is to year the 24.

High Expectations

When I was in SCM, it was our job to reject products that didn't follow policy in order to make every release consistent. We needed to whip people in shape into following directions. It was out job to point out what went wrong and how to correct it. The main culprits were game developers. They never followed the rules. Their main goal was to get their products out as fast as possible even if it didn't follow policy. When I transfered to game dev, everyone has high expectations of me. Everyone expects me to have my games perfect since I know the rules, since I enforced the rules. I was talking to a director and he joked around saying he can't wait for SCM to reject my game. It's so hard to live up to those expectations but it's all in good fun. We all know that everyone makes mistakes. I've even publicly acknowledged my mistakes when I realized them when I was in SCM.
In other news, I really love my new position. My new coworkers were so accepting of me and really helpful. Everyone I interact with are around my age so we have a lot in common. Kyle was right. People make me happy, not the job. I like interacting with people and in game dev, I'm constantly interacting with many people. People will stop by my cube to talk to me every so often. It's nice to find a job that I truly enjoy. For now. ;) lol The plus is that I don't have to see Ed anymore.

You're the Only One

Of all the people I've loved and lost, you're the only one I constantly think about. You're the only one who I dream about. And you're the only one who makes me want to make something of myself because I now realize we never know when our time is up. I had a dream about you last night. It was like in the movies when someone passes away, the movie will replay the person's life and show how happy the person was throughout their lifetime. That's what played in my dream. I saw the good times we had growing up together and right before I woke up, the "video" type dream showed you laughing and smiling in slow motion as a finale of the film. It was bittersweet waking up to that. Maybe it's you telling me you are in a happy place now. Since you've passed, I've been contemplating more about life and I will definitely start living life and not take it for granted. You're my inspiration.

Too Little, Too Late

"It's just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can't wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don't like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)"
- Jojo

While I was in California, Andrew texted me twice back to back.
"Hey! I hear you're still mad at me. Just wanted to see how you are doing. It was never my intention to hurt you. I hope you are doing ok. If I don't hear from you, I understand"
"Hey! I ran into Shawn last night and I just wanted to see how you are doing. Hope you are doing ok!"

I didn't want to text him back. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that I am all right and he can clear his conscious of how he treated me. It's been a year and a half which means it's too late to apologize. He just wants to hear that I'm doing alright so he can sleep at night. But I think the stress of my cousin passing away and lack of sleep made me reply 5 hours later, "I'm fine. Thanks." He was shocked that I replied and asked why it took so long so I told him I was in California for my cousin and he sent his condolences. And I said goodnight. Today he asked how I was doing and I didn't reply this time. I really don't want to be friends with him. He had to go through Shawn to finally text me? I know he asks about me sometimes through Jill but why now? What does he want? I don't have time for little boys and I don't appreciate him texting me like he cares. If you don't intend on hurting the girls you date, then don't play them! A player will not care if they hurt someone or not. So don't tell me you're intentions were never to hurt me because I don't believe you! I'm not bitter. I just wont get fooled twice. I was also a bit annoyed that Shawn and Andrew were talking about me. I politely asked Shawn to never talk about me with Andrew if he runs into him again. It annoys me that Shawn loves Andrew so much that he compares every guy I date to him but I can't make him forget Andrew. Just don't rub it in my face because I know the real Andrew and if you're really my friend, you'd take my side.

Not Taking Any Chances

My mom says it was meant to be. I call it a coincidence. Whatever you call it, I'm not taking any chances. Two weeks ago for Memorial Day weekend I went to California to see the new additions to dad's side of the family. I was there all weekend and enjoyed my stay since I haven't seen them since my grandma's 1 year death anniversary. When I got back home, I was too lazy to unpack my bag and it stayed on my floor for a week. Little did I know that I'll be using the contents of that bag a week later. Interesting enough, what was left in my bag were two black shirts. My mom said it was meant to be that I go back to California for PJ's funeral. I got back into town yesterday morning and I am not taking any chances. I unpacked my bags, put away my clean clothes, and placed the bag in the closet. This is one sign I don't want to repeat the results. We are trying to break our bad luck. It seems that every time something good happens in our lives, the complete opposite happens. We didn't wear black for his funeral. We celebrated his life and we are hoping this will be the last time we say good bye to a loved one for a long time. Rest in peace dear cousin.

You Got Your Three

You know the saying, "people die in threes?" Well God, you got your three, so please leave my family alone for awhile. I can't believe in 16 months, we've lost 3 people in my family. First you take our matriarch and her brother, but you had to take my cousin. He was only 24 years old. No I am not mad at you. I know you have a plan for all of us. I'm just shocked that it happened. He was the first cousin to die but looking at all the people who came to my aunt's house and his viewing, he was very well loved. Everyone showed my family their condolences and expressed how much PJ made an impact in their lives. He was such a caring guy that was able to relate to everyone, young and old. I rarely see grown men cry but the guys I saw crying over my cousin were guys you'd probably be scared of if you've seen them out in the streets.
I just want to say that I love you PJ and we will see each other again. Every time I eat sinigang, I'll think of when we were young and we used to fight over the vegetables. And I'll always remember that face you make whenever you try to make me remember "step step bow." You always made me smile and I'm glad you are now in a better place. I'll miss you forever. Tell Mamang and Papang I said Hi and I miss them too.